The Apprentice Episode 5: Trading Places

You know, I'm kind of starting to get into this theme music. “So you wanna be the next big thi-iiinggg...” It's pretty catchy. I must be losing my mind.

Nick and Kwame are greeted by members of both teams back at the suite, all of whom are truly in disbelief that Team Versa Corp has lost four straight contests. However, Team Versa Corp is in good spirits, and they are trying their hardest to also build up each other's spirits before everyone goes to bed for the evening. Before we transition to the next day, Nick tells the camera that Donald Trump told him he was going to be the Project Manager for the next task.

The day breaks, and Donald Trump brings both teams into the boardroom. He first announces that George, his associate, will be replaced this week by a guy named Bernie Diamond because George is on a “big, important business trip.” Bernie has “very good taste.” After introducing Bernie, he drops a bomb – he will be performing a “corporate reshuffle” of the teams. “When things [in business] aren't working well, you reshuffle – you mix them up,” says the Donald. I am definitely losing my mind, because I was convinced for a few minutes that reshuffle was a word Trump made up until I Googled it and realized it is clearly a word. Pray for me.

My face as I realize "reshuffle" is definitely a word.

Trump announces that Nick and Kristi will be the two project managers, and, in essence, will be the captains in a draft for two new teams. Nick gets to choose first, is told he must select a woman, and he selects Amy. Kristi then selects Troy. In the end, Team Versa Corp ends up with a team consisting of Nick, Amy, Bill, Ereka, Katrina and Tammy. Team Protege ends up with Kristi, Troy, Kwame, Jessie, Heidi and Omarosa. Trump reveals the task after the teams are selected, and it is a fairly simple one – the teams will be given one thousand dollars to buy things to resell at a flea market. Whoever makes more money wins. 

Kristi.

Team Versa Corp decides to sell women's clothes that they will make themselves. They scour fabric supply stores in Manhattan for materials. Nick is basically letting the four women on the team select all of the materials and decide what clothes they would like to make. Tammy says that she predicts this will shine poorly upon Nick while he has the chance to be a leader, and she makes the extremely bold prediction that this will get him fired. That seems kind of ridiculous to me, especially considering that no team in any competition so far has stuck to their initial plan. Perhaps the new teams will be more organized and steadfast in their plans.

Team Protege (aka Protege Corporation, apparently) is really struggling to figure out what products they can buy in bulk in New York City. Jessie asks if they can buy dirt, kind of as a joke, but when Troy says that they can, she comes up with an idea to sell pots filled with dirt and a pre-planted seed. Troy has lots of ideas that build off of this seed (ha ha ha), such as a sandbox they can sell with gold in it. I guess he believes that children could buy it and dig for the gold. Jessie says that Troy is good at brainstorming but bad with actual ideas, which seems accurate. She actually starts to look very uncomfortable as Troy rambles on.

The Trump “black-screen segment,” as I'll call it, of this episode is called “Stand Up For Yourself,” in which we get a close-up ten-second video of our then-future President rambling on about how you need to stand up for yourself to be successful in business. I don't know if I've been completely clear about how this has been a recurring segment in every episode thus far. At a random point, about ten minutes in, the show will cut to black, and we will get a short statement in quotation marks on the screen which is presumably a quote attributed to Trump. He will then ramble for a short while, on a twenty thousand dollar couch in his stupid apartment, about whatever the topic is at hand. It's kind of amazing. I'll be sure to summarize it in all future episodes.

Team Protege then goes to a flea market to investigate what kind of products are selling well. I don't believe it is the flea market where they will sell their products for the competition. It looks like it's just a random area in Chinatown. Heidi gets extremely negative at this point. She seems very flustered by this flea market. There is nothing there that she would want to sell. Kristi decides that it would be best at this point for the team to split up and try to find products to sell. Both factions of the team head off to different parts of Chinatown to hunt down some products.

Random stock photo of a flea market in Manhattan that I found. Close enough.

We cut to Nick and Katrina, who are walking along and spontaneously decide to dumpster dive. Nick comes out with a wire rack on wheels and Katrina has a bunch of bags. I really have no idea what they got out of the dumpster, but when they return to Trump Tower and Team Versa Corp with their goods, everyone seems very excited.

Kwame, Kristi and Omarosa are in a tchotchke shop in Chinatown, trying to find things they think they would be able to sell. The other half of Team Protege calls them and gives an ultimatum of sorts; they need to find a product now. They can't wait any longer. It's 7:00 pm. It becomes clear at this point that Kristi is really struggling as leader. She is not making any decisions and is showing no strength. She's simply deferring to her team for everything. She states at this point that she “doesn't want to be a dictator,” but a team full of people vying to be a “project manager” for Trump needs to be driven by a single voice, or else everyone will just argue and nothing will get done.

It is the next day and we are inside the flea market. Team Protege is starting out strong. Kwame and Jessie are selling a bunch of random junk at the indoor booth. It is raining heavily outside. They do a lot of sales very quickly. Team Versa Corp is outside, in the rain, and Amy, Bill, and Katrina are trying their hardest not to get soaked under their tent. No one is walking by. They appear to have made a pretty significant number of women's clothes, and while they say that it didn't cost them much, they quickly realize they need to move all of that inventory to actually turn a profit and win the competition.

Heidi and Kristi are in another indoor booth, away from Kwame and Jessie. No one is walking by their booth. Heidi is again getting very flustered and negative. She asks Kristi what they should do, and Kristi just decides to basically do nothing. Troy and Omarosa are pacing nearby, and all four of them are getting brought down by each other's negativity. Finally, Omarosa makes the executive decision to move outside. Heidi follows her. Together, they pull all of their merchandise outside and change their position.

Team Versa Corp's sales are starting to pick up as the weather gets nicer. They appear to be selling plenty of clothes. Nick is getting a lot of praise from his teammates for being a good leader. At the same time, however, Team Protege's sales begin to pick up as well. The sun is out at this point and there is a lot of foot traffic. All kinds of stuff is flying out of both of their booths. There is less than an hour left in the day. Both teams are discounting items to sell quicker. Bill remarks to the camera that “if someone wanted to buy the tablecloth we would sell it.” Team Versa Corp actually sells out their entire inventory. Protege comes close.

The teams go back to Trump Tower to count up their receipts. Omarosa was in charge of the finances for Team Protege, apparently. She tells the camera she always “accounts for every penny.” Well, apparently not this time, O, because it is revealed at this point that Team Protege lost $186! They literally just lost $186 worth of paper currency somehow. Omarosa thinks someone pocketed this money without realizing it. However, everyone has emptied their pockets and no one has any extra money on them. Where the money went remains a mystery.

Did O pocket the money??? What a strange scenario.

The teams both enter the board room with Mr. Trump, Carolyn and Bernie. Carolyn announces that Team Versa Corp had a profit of over six hundred dollars. Bernie announces that Team Protege LOST $75.78 due to their “brilliant” plan to divide themselves up without first establishing a direction. Trump is visibly upset at Kristi's lack of leadership. Team Versa Corp's prize for winning is a trip to Yankee Stadium to meet George Steinbrenner.

In the wake of her team's loss, Kristi is falling apart. She is sobbing in front of her entire team. She holds herself fully responsible for the result of a net loss of money. Heidi is also getting more and more angry by the minute. She is pissed off at their lack of leadership and pissed off at how Kristi is best friends with Jessie and would never even consider taking Jessie to the boardroom. Heidi thinks that she and Omarosa are likely going to be taken to the boardroom. My best guess would be that, yes, Omarosa will definitely go with Kristi. I do not know who the third person will be, however. I don't think Heidi deserves to go, she did nothing wrong, but her lack of professionalism in handling their team's loss isn't going to sit well with Donald Trump or her team. Overall, I believe that Kristi is fully to blame for the loss, and I hope that Donald can see that.

Team Versa Corp arrives at Yankee Stadium with Donald Trump. He leads them into Steinbrenner's office and the first words I hear are “I love you” followed by “I love you too.” I can't see Trump's or Steinbrenner's mouths, but I think they just said this to each other instead of saying hello. That is definitely not what I was expecting. Steinbrenner gives them a little pep talk, which is going pretty routinely, until Tammy says to George, “You've got some serious bling on your hands, what's going on there?” as if she has no idea what a World Series ring looks like. Also she just said bling to a ninety year old man. He sort of chuckles, and the rest of the team just cringes. Trump looks very amused by her comment.

Young Trump, probably one of the Trump kids, and Steinbrenner enjoying a Yankees game a million years ago.

I have to admit, I openly hate the Yankees, but it is really cool to see the tour of the old Yankee Stadium that follows their chat.

“Mr. Steinbrenner guaranteed a victory when he bought the Yankees, and I guaranteed a victory yesterday. So I'm feeling pretty good,” says Nick. This guy cracks me up.

Kristi and Jessie are strolling through Central Park and discussing what Kristi will say to Mr. Trump in the boardroom. Jessie says that Kristi should say as little as possible and not let the others' negativity get to her until Donald addresses her. Kristi seems to take that to heart. Let's see if this strategy pays off for her.

Team Protege enters the boardroom. Trump starts off immediately addressing Kristi. She says she tried to lead by “group consensus.” The whole team seems to agree with each other that it was just bad leadership. It is at this point that Bernie reveals that the team lost money. Trump didn't know this, apparently. He can't believe that they lost the money. He figures out that Omarosa was in charge of the finances and he interrogates her over this loss. She twists the blame back at Kristi. Trump then goes down the line, and every single person on the team blames Kristi for the loss. This will probably make it hard for Kristi, because she can't just pick two people who didn't like how she performed. In the end, she selects Omarosa and Heidi to go with her, as Heidi suspected.

Trump calls Kristi, Omarosa, and Heidi back into the boardroom. He tells Kristi she did poorly, but he still likes her potential. He calls Heidi over-aggressive, but then says that he knows plenty of people who are over-aggressive and that it is what makes them successful. He then gets to Omarosa, and kind of pretends to fire her, as a weird joke. At this point, he calls Kristi out for not speaking up in the boardroom, for not “fighting for herself,” and therefore, he fires her. Jessie telling her to be quiet in the boardroom looks an awful lot like backstabbing in retrospect. But in the end it was Kristi's decision to be quiet. Goodbye Kristi.

The Apprentice Episode 4 - Ethics Schmethics

Grab a beer and have a seat. It's time for a recap of Season 1, Episode 4 of The Apprentice, titled “Ethics Schmethics.”

The contestants are eagerly waiting in their condo to see who emerges from the boardroom. When Bowie and Nick walk in through the door, every single person jumps up and down for joy. Many hugs are shared. Bowie then describes Sam as “a cancer,” which seems a little over the top. He is reflecting the group opinion of Sam, but he is also trying to say that his team has only lost three times in a row because of Sam, which I do not believe to be correct. They could have easily overcome Sam's weaknesses on all three tasks if they had just planned and delegated better.

In an interesting turn of events, Nick says that he did not approve of the “witch hunt” to get Sam. He said that there were others on the team who were holding the team back. He then said he was going to get vengeance for Sam. I don't think he is actually being serious about avenging Sam, because they were fighting constantly and were definitely battling it up in the boardroom just a few hours ago. I also don't agree that Sam could have stayed; he had to go. However, I do agree with him that there are others holding the team back. Remember, there are five contestants left on Team Versa Corp. I believe that Bowie and Troy are the two weakest people left. Both of them lack the confidence to lead at a high level.

I don't really have any commentary on Team Protege at this point. The women just keep on winning, and I just keep on being blown away by how much better they perform than the men. I should note that we haven't seen any drama from Omarosa.

The task is revealed the next morning, as usual. The teams receive a phone call from Trump, who asks them all to meet him at Times Square at 8 AM. The teams go there and Trump pulls up in a goddamn limo. He gets out, tells them how great Times Square is, and then points behind him to the giant Planet Hollywood. He says that some friends of his in the movie business started it. This causes me to pause the episode and turn to Wikipedia. Ex-actor Bryan Kestner started Planet Hollywood in 1991, and gave the idea to two investors named Keith Barish and Robert Earl. Kestner apparently has made zero money from the PH name, since he was only paid in stock and the company has gone bankrupt twice. Arnold Schwarzenegger was also an initial investor. I'm going to assume that Trump did not mean he literally knew the people who started Planet Hollywood, but rather, that he knew Arnold. One more thing – there are only eight Planet Hollywoods left in the US. That is pretty sad.

 The inside of Planet Hollywood Times Square.

Each team is going to get the chance to run the restaurant for one night. The ladies get the first night, and the men will do the second night. Their receipts will be compared to the same day last year, and whoever increases revenues more will win. In my opinion, this is an extremely rigged system. If you look at a restaurant's sales on a day in 2014 and then look at their sales on that same calendar day in 2015, the numbers aren't going to be the same. So how can this show compare two days a year apart, along with the added wrinkle of a reality television show filming, and expect the results to actually mean anything? God, this show is so dumb.

Seriously, who opens their mouth like this when they speak?

The winning team is going to go to “the best golf course in New York State,” Trump National. It was only a matter of time until golf came up on this show. But hey, at least it isn't being done on the taxpayer's dime.

It is now time for each team to elect a Project Manager. Team Versa Corp quickly selects Kwame. I like Kwame so no real objection here. Team Protege selects Katrina. Although Krista actually works in the restaurant business, she recuses herself from leadership, explaining that she wants to be on the floor in the restaurant itself. That makes sense, I suppose. At this point, Omarosa tells us that she is trying to “get closer” to the other contestants, as if that is something which should take four episodes to figure out. She is on the floor with a pen and paper, collaborating with the rest of her team. Ereka tells us that she sees right through it, but appreciates the effort being put in. This seems primed to blow up in Team Protege's face at some point. If not in this episode, then maybe the next.

Kwame. Presumably he wins the competition and goes on to do million dollar speeches for McDonalds. But we have a long way to go to find out.

Team Protege enters the Planet Hollywood and gets a tour. The general manager of the restaurant tells the team that only 25 percent of their revenue comes from liquor, which is extremely low, according to Krista. I guess this makes sense, since it is a shitty restaurant that only exists to serve tourist families. They appear to make a lot from merchandise. Katrina makes the decision that, again, the women should use their sexuality to push the product. This time, a few ladies are going to wear “extra-small” (her words, not mine) t-shirts and stand in the lobby with shots, trying to get people (men) to go upstairs to the bar. They're calling themselves the “shooter girls,” which is a pun that offends my every sensibility. However, it doesn't really work that well. This is mostly because the whole team is disorganized and confused. Ereka thinks some of the team members should go out into Times Square to try to hand out coupons to get people in Planet Hollywood's door. This turns out to be a futile effort.

Katrina. If I had to guess, this picture was taken on a daytime talk show around 2011.

We take a brief break to see what Versa Corp is up to. They are working out and playing basketball. I think, “boring,” but then they go and bust out Trump: The Game, a board game that I would literally play right now. It looks so bad. It's Monopoly if Monopoly only had hotels. At this point, the show tries to fabricate some drama between Bill and Troy while they're playing the game, but it doesn't really stick.

It's now dark outside, and Team Protege is grinding at Planet Hollywood. None of the team seems too optimistic about their chances. It's slow downstairs in the main restaurant. They decide to go all-in upstairs at the bar, pushing shots on people while wearing their skimpy outfits. They sell a shit load of shots. However, someone, the restaurant manager I think, scolds them for doing this, since the restaurant is ultimately responsible for the safety of the people leaving the bar. But it really doesn't matter; since they've already sold what seems to be like hundreds of shots in the last hour.

The next day, Team Versa Corp goes over to Planet Hollywood to take their turn at running the restaurant. I almost forgot this, but they are at a significant disadvantage with only five people compared to Protege's eight. Troy and Kwame will be the street team, Nick will be at the front door, Bowie will work the merchandise counter, and Bill will be the staff manager for the night. Bill comes up with an incentive for the restaurant staff. Every hour, the wait person with the most sales will get a $100 bonus. Troy and Kwame are just out on Broadway, doing the typical street work you'd imagine from a person in Times Square.

Team Protege only turned to coupons later on in their day. The men are going hard with the coupons from the start. After a few hours, it is clear that this strategy has not worked. Bill comes out and tells them that no one is actually getting in the front door of the restaurant. Also, Bowie is really struggling to get merchandise sales. Those sales are down almost half from last year. Struggling and feeling like their backs are against the wall, Kwame and Troy come up with a very questionable scheme. Basically, Kwame sits at a table with a souvenir from the merch booth, like a basketball, and Troy shouts from the street, “Come meet Kwame Jackson! New York native! Works on Wall Street!” And it actually works! People are coming in and getting autographs. When they get the autograph, they also get a $5 coupon, and keep in mind they are already in the door at this point. However, this is clearly unethical. They're tricking people into buying merchandise from Planet Hollywood to get it signed by a person who is not famous.

Nick is furious at their tactics. He's still out on the street, giving out coupons, but he is just mumbling and not really trying. He's completely checked out. Bowie also isn't really doing anything, but it is unclear whether he supports or opposes the “Kwame autograph” tactic. Since Kwame is swamped with people, Bill takes over as the de-facto project manager and sets the restaurant staff into overdrive, making sure that the final few checks of the night are big enough to put Team Versa Corp out on top. He gets everyone, except Nick, to go around to the tables with merchandise and liquor, making some last minute sales.

Everyone has had their chance to run the restaurant. The teams gather in the boardroom with Donald Trump, Carolyn, and George. Carolyn announced that Team Versa Corp have increased revenues over last year by 6.8%. George then announces that Team Protege increased revenues by 31.3%! Again, I just want to state how flawed this system is. For Protege's day, the revenue last year was around $12,000, while for Versa Corp's day, the revenue last year was $15,000. That's a big difference. Maybe a big party came in on that $15,000 day last year! Maybe there was a real celebrity in there giving out autographs! Both Team Protege and Team Versa Corp pulled in around $16,000 in revenue. It was a lot closer than this show makes it out to be.

Team Protege gets to go upstate to Trump National Golf Club. Heidi is the only member of the team who has no idea how to play golf. She says she'd “rather be watching a football game.” The Iggles, I assume. Things take a turn for the weird at the golf course, where Trump, alongside Carolyn, corners the women and tells them that they can no longer use their sexuality to sell product. It is weird because of how painfully awkward it is. It is also weird because it took four whole episodes of consistent “sex sells” messages to get to this point.

Hole 13 at Trump National has a waterfall. Modest.

The women have returned to the condo. Tensions are running high between the men. Nick and Bill are arguing with Kwame and Troy over their tactic. Nick storms out of the room. Team Protege is just gawking at the whole scene.

The real question here, drama aside, is who should get fired? Nick may have given up on his teammates in frustration, but I don't think he deserves to be fired. He is passionate and a good leader. I'm sticking to my earlier assessment and saying that Troy or Bowie should be fired.

The men gather in the boardroom with Trump for their final discussion. George chews the whole team out for “covering their asses” instead of working together to achieve a victory. I couldn't agree more, George. Eventually, Nick gets a turn to speak, and he describes to Trump how his teammates acted unethically. Kwame and Troy defend themselves. Kwame chooses Nick and Bowie to wait outside the boardroom with him. Troy and Bill go back up to the condo.

Trump has a very brief discussion with his associates, where they note that Bowie was in charge of merchandise, and the merch sales were lousy. Trump especially seems to be upset by this. He calls them back in, via secretary Robin, and has a talk with the three of them. He labors over the decision, even more than previous decisions, but eventually Trump settles on Bowie. Good night, sweet Bowie. I still don't believe your real name is Bowie Hogg.