Episode 9: DNA, Heads, and the Undead Kitty

Before I began watching this week's episode, I realized that I have never listened to the music over the DVD's title screen. It's this techno song that consists of three distinct parts. The first is a song in which a chorus of women sings, “Oh, moneyyyy” and “You better watch your bottom...line.” The second is a guy who, in a very deep voice reminiscent of the guy from Right Said Fred, says, “It doesn't really matter, you're a slave to the master” over and over again. The third part is Trump saying, “Trump,” “This is a dictatorship,” and “someone will be fired” over and over again. Good luck trying to put all of that together in your head.

Luckily, you don't have to, because I found the full version on YouTube. The version I heard on the DVD was only a few seconds long, but this is a full three minutes. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmLdk_KPIKk Which is better, this, or the Make America Great Again Theme Song? You be the judge.

When Bill and Nick enter the condo, Katrina is devastated at Ereka's absence. In contrast, Omarosa is practically giddy.

The teams are instructed to meet DJT on the steps of The Met in the morning.

When the teams arrive at the museum, Trump instructs VersaCorp, short a player, to bring a person from Protege over to their team. Nick has been named project manager, and he selects Amy. I'm sure we will see sparks fly later in this episode.

Kwame has been selected as the project manager for Protege.

The task involves a group of emerging artists. It has nothing to do with The Met at all. Each team will choose one artist from the group, take them to a Manhattan gallery, and sell their paintings. The team that makes the most money from selling the art wins.

Team Protege visits a guy named Giles first. He makes Pollock-esque art with a lot of organic materials. Apparently he puts his DNA in each work? I don't think it's that weird but we as the viewers are led to believe that he is too crazy to work with.

VersaCorp visits Andrei. He's a nature-based abstract painter. Nick and Katrina both really like him and the way he explains his art. Meanwhile, Bill and Amy go to visit Leah, who paints photorealistic snapshots of her life in the city. I like her art a lot.

Protege visits someone named Megan. She has a beautiful giant apartment. Her art is extremely sexual in a very perverse and very violent way. It freaks the team out. Troy in particular can't seem to understand it. However, he says that her average piece goes for four grand which is way higher than anyone else they've talked to. They think they can overlook how freaky the work is.

Black screen moment. “You've Gotta Believe.” “You've gotta believe in what you're selling,” Trump says. “If you don't believe it, if you don't really believe it will sell, it will never work. It will never sell, and you're going to be miserable.” Man, that was a short one. Maybe his producers are telling him this black screen thing is a really dumb bit.

Protege can't decide between Megan and Leah. I just now realize that the teams were meeting with the same group of artists. During Protege's meeting in a small restaurant, a car alarm goes off for about thirty seconds and no one seems to notice. I actually thought it was going off outside my house. I can't emphasize enough how poor the production values have been on this show all season. They pick Megan because of the high dollar amounts that her paintings can get. That is a risky move. Her paintings get a lot of money but no one seemed to check how frequently she makes a sale.

VersaCorp can't decide between Andrei and Leah. Nick makes the executive decision to go with Andrei over the protests of Bill and Amy. I think he made the right call. I liked Leah's work a lot but they're going to be in pretentious art galleries. Andrei's brand of slightly off-center landscapes would fit right at home in a Greenwich Village walkup.

Omarosa and Heidi are at the gallery early, talking to Megan and learning about the art. They go for a walk to grab something to eat, and Omarosa wants to take a long two hour lunch break. Heidi says they have to go back to the gallery and continue marketing. Omarosa then declares that she has a concussion and needs a long break to recover. A concussion? From the piece of plaster falling on her head two episodes ago, I assume? Off camera, Heidi calls her a “lunatic bitch.”

Omarosa and Heidi confront each other over this squabble. However, they just yell at each other and clearly aren't listening to anything either person says. Omarosa, like usual, tries to spin the situation as her taking the moral high ground with the “trashy” Heidi resorting to personal attacks beneath her. This is objectively not true. They're both being extremely irrational and neither of them have any moral ground to stand on for this fight.

Troy and Kwame call them during their fight. After they hang up, Troy does a hilarious impression of Heidi and Kwame does Omarosa. It's great, but it really does show how their team morale is already unraveling.

It's time for the sales at the galleries. The teams are each at a different gallery in Manhattan.

Bill makes a sale immediately on one of the Andrei's paintings. Katrina, Amy and Nick work the crowd at this gallery really hard. Andrei looks thrilled.

Meanwhile, Troy describes Megan's paintings as “Far beyond his comprehension” to a potential buyer. I somehow don't think that's an effective strategy.

The art Protege chose does seem a little aggressive in retrospect. Andrei's art was easy to move because it was interpretations of landscapes. Megan's stuff is very specific and very risque. It's much harder for Protege to explain this kind of art to potential buyer. The gallery owner brings Megan over to them and tells the team that they should involve Megan with their explanations of her art. However, that is the last we see of either team in the galleries. The prospects really don't look good for Protege.

The teams enter the boardroom for the verdict on their sales numbers.

VersaCorp explains to Trump that Nick picked their artist from his gut, against the advice of his teammates. I can see the glimmer in Trump's eye when he hears this. He loves when men don't listen to women and instead do whatever they want.

Protege explains that they went for the high-risk artist. They explain that they didn't like the artist, but she had a loyal following and sold her paintings for a lot of money.

VersaCorp sold eight pieces for $13,600. The team is so happy. George says, “This is the first time I've seen Nick smile.”

In contrast, Protege sold one piece for eight hundred and sixty-nine dollars. Holy shit. How were they so confident walking into this room?

“That's awful,” says Trump. That's really all that needs to be said.

Oh wait, I get the black screen moment now! Trump explains to them that they tried to sell something they didn't believe in. Good point, Donald.

As VersaCorp's winning prize, Nick gets . . . ten minutes with Trump? What? “Lots of people would love to have this opportunity,” says Nick. He is extremely excited. I think it's a weird prize but I can't hate on Nick too much. I like him.

Nick goes up to Trump's suite. He gets what is in essence a meeting with him. He asks what Trump is looking for in a young executive. Trump answers energy. “If they don't have the energy, forget it,” says The Donald. He tells Nick he has a lot of energy. Then he gives Nick a tour of his apartment. Nick asks Trump if he had any mentors. Trump says his father, mostly. That's pretty much the extent of the visit.

I have no idea what Protege are going to do. The whole team was essentially at fault for their loss. No one spoke up against the team's vote. The whole thing was very passive.

Omarosa seems to think Troy didn't contribute at all. I think that's kind of ridiculous. She also thinks she spoke up against Megan. That's not true. I remember her distinctly saying that she felt like Leah was the better artist but that Megan would make them more money. That is the reason they chose Megan. She helped them to rationalize it.

Trump shits all over Protege in the boardroom. Kwame calls it a calculated risk that didn't pay off. He seems so nervous. I can honestly sense that he might be fired. Trump doesn't like when people get nervously defensive. That uncertainty really seems to bother him.

George says he doesn't think it had anything to do with the artist. He thinks the team needs to stop fighting.

“What does a concussion have to do with sitting down for a long time when you're supposed to be working,” says Trump. “All my life, I've been hit on my head with plaster.” What the fuck is he talking about?

Anyway, he is not happy once he realizes that Omarosa was trying to duck out of work, using her concussion as an excuse.

Kwame says Omarosa tends to exaggerate and be dramatic. Trump agrees with this.

Kwame picks Omarosa and Heidi to go with him. He calls Troy his “all-star,” which is sure to upset Omarosa.

Outside the boardroom, Omarosa cries and Kwame comforts her. Heidi is just staring at the floor. Shit's getting real.

While George, Carolyn, and Trump are talking in their weekly private meeting, Omarosa barges in crying. Kwame and Heidi try to stop her. “Omarosa! I didn't call for you yet!” says Trump. She's whining about how she's given up so much for this or whatever. Trump just tells her to go get a tissue and he tells the other two to sit down.

Omarosa comes back in and they have their final meeting.

Trump points out to Heidi that her edge is driving her teammates nuts. He tells Omarosa that the contest is about leadership and team chemistry, not what you know. He tells Kwame that he failed miserably but at least, out of the three people in this room, he contributed and he tried his best. Trump says this constant fighting drives him nuts. He says he doesn't like excuses. That's why he's firing Omarosa.

Episode 8: Ice Escapades

Welcome. Before I start the episode, my big question this week is when will Omarosa be fired? Or is she somehow able to trick Trump into respecting her, despite the fact that she does absolutely nothing to help her teammates in these challenges? Does she win the season? Obviously Omarosa and Donald have a strong relationship today. I find it hard to believe that her arrogance won't catch up to her eventually though.

Everyone seems happy that Tammy is gone, as Heidi and Omarosa walk back into the suite.

Heidi is going to be the project manager for Protege. She looks very sad. Don't forget, her mother is in the hospital.

Heidi lets her feelings about Omarosa loose in a little sidebar. She must have been frustrated having to hide it in the boardroom. She says, “When there's a task, her head hurts.” The show replays Omarosa getting hit in the head by the “piece of concrete,” and just like last time, I still don't actually see anything hit her head.

They have to be at Trump Tower at 8:45. Wait, aren't they in Trump Tower? My head is spinning.

We can't get off Omarosa's headaches. Says O, “I think I've been a trooper throughout this situation.”

They all go to the front of Trump Tower and a giant truck labeled “Trump Ice” pulls up in front, honking wildly, and Trump runs out. Is Donald getting into malt liquor?

He gets in front of them, and delivers a classic Trump speech. “I've had a fascination for a long time with branding. And I've decided to open up a water distribution company.” Of course Trump wants to get into the water business. Water is basically free for people in the USA. If you can bottle it and ship it and fool people into paying two dollars for a bottle, then you make a huge profit. Trump lives for this kind of lowbrow rip-off shit. And don't even get me started on the lack of sustainability and the profiteering off of a basic human right.

Trump also calls it, “The purest, best tasting water you could imagine.” Somehow I think that might be the biggest lie he's ever told.

Why is it called Trump Ice? It's literally water. This is the dumbest thing.

The teams are going to be put to the task of selling his water. The winner will just sell more water. Sounds like a simple task.

Ereka is the project manager for VersaCorp. We really haven't heard much from her since the big Omarosa fight. Things cooled off once she left O's team, but we do have to remember that she is a hothead. Ereka might be in trouble if her team doesn't do well.

Bill discusses the idea of motivating people to buy more water by giving them an incentive. Like buy six months of water, get the seventh free. Ereka and Katrina completely ignore him. They tell him to start making calls instead and to leave the strategy to them.

Bill and Ereka go to a bunch of restaurants in Manhattan. They're trying to “create a buzz” about this bottled water. At least, that's what Ereka says to every restaurant owner they approach. Bill is furious. Rather than trying to create some kind of artificial “buzz” with the limited amount of time they have to sell this water, they should be going into these restaurants and getting out with sales. After several complete failures, he drops some numbers onto a sandwich shop owner. The owner immediately buys two pallets. Maybe Bill is on to something here.

Trump Black Screen Moment. Beggars Can't Be Choosers. “Never beg when you're trying to sell something. If it doesn't work out, take your lumps, and relax. But you'll never sell through the begging route.” Short, but sweet. And also inane.

Just like VersaCorp, Protege are going to some restaurants and negotiating with their owners. Troy is going hard trying to sell them all on pallets of bottles. The problem they continue to run into is that NYC restaurants don't have the storage space for seventy-two cases of water.

Amy and Omarosa were put together by Heidi because Heidi knows Amy can handle Omarosa. And she really can. She told Omarosa ahead of time that if she needed to stop talking, Amy would kick her under the table. In their first meeting, there was a lot of kicking. It's working. At least for now.

Amy talked numbers. Omarosa talked marketing. At this meeting, the most ridiculous thing happened. O had a table full of all these fancy mineral waters, like Perrier and San Pellegrino, yet somehow was able to say with a straight face that Trump Ice was better than all of them. I haven't told you this yet, but the Trump Ice is in a dinky little plastic bottle. Like the kind of bottle you get the convenience store brand's bottled water in. Not even a Poland Spring or a Deer Park. There is no way this is the correct approach to get a sale.

The restaurant owners do not seem impressed. The issue of storage again comes up. Omarosa asks if they would be willing to buy five cases. They say yes. However, remember that Amy was supposed to talk money and Omarosa was supposed to do marketing. She is very upset that they just expended all of this effort to make a seventy-five dollar sale.

Once Protege gets back to the suite, Amy makes it clear to Heidi that she does not want to work for Omarosa any more. Omarosa is “begging” (call back to black screen?) for sales when she walks into these places. One restaurant only bought one case from them because they weren't interested and O said “how about one case?” One case is only fifteen dollars. Amy considers that to be a waste of time. Troy agrees. He was hoping to sell 1500 cases and they're never going to get there one at a time. As night falls, it sounds like their plan is to leave Omarosa in the suite while the rest of the team goes out and makes the deals. If true, this would be amazing.

Okay, now for some reason Omarosa and Kwame are at a salon. Omarosa gets her makeup done and sells them two cases of water. This is weird.

Troy, Heidi, and Amy are in a cab uptown when Troy decides that he's going to set up the purchase order for the next client so that they get “twenty cases a week.” He figures this is the only way to actually sell anything close to a pallet to these storage-starved customers in NYC.

The first client agrees to twenty cases a week. The second client gets negotiated up to five pallets a week by Troy. That's really absurd. Amy is very impressed by his negotiations. She says he's way smarter than she had previously given him credit for. He reads people well.

Nick and Katrina are in a cab. Nick is so excited. He said sales are what he lives for. He walks straight into this warehouse and says he wants to sell them a whole truck of the Trump Ice. The person doesn't respond. Nick starts consulting his spreadsheet of numbers. Katrina says that if you show the potential buyer that you care more about the numbers than about them, you won't be able to close the deal. And she's right. He says no. Hopefully Nick can clean up his act a little bit as he goes on. Remember, he is my favorite.

“It's not rocket science, it's just water,” says the next potential buyer to Nick, Katrina and Bill. Their pitch was getting a little too sophisticated. In my opinion, they need to emphasize two things more. They need to emphasize the price savings they can offer, and they need to work harder at getting to know the people they are trying to sell to. They're taking this very sterile approach that isn't working at all.

They're back in the suite, and it is revealed that Nick did not fill out the paperwork correctly to process the sales. Ereka is very mad. She is freaking out right in front of Carolyn. That is probably not good.

There's fourteen hours left until the winner is revealed. Troy and Kwame go to the gym. Everyone else goes to the club. Nick and Amy are reconnecting. Everyone is having a ball.

The next day begins and the teams enter the boardroom. Protege did “very well,” according to George. They did over six thousand dollars in sales. He goes on to say that VersaCorp “did not do as well.” They sold a little bit over four thousand dollars.

Ereka responds that they did everything they could do.

George says that Protege made a difference by selling some water to distributors. That was more than half their sales. That must explain the five pallet a week customer.

Their boardroom meeting is interrupted by loud drilling from downstairs. It is a new tenant in Trump Tower that's doing renovations. Trump tells them to stop. It's supposed to be comic relief, I guess, but it's not funny. I didn't even think about laughing. This show needs better writers.

Heidi, as project manager of the winning team, gets to select two people to go with her on a private helicopter tour of Manhattan in Trump's helicopter. This seems like a prize which is very intentionally set up to cause inter-team drama. Let me guess – she isn't going to choose Omarosa and will instead choose the other two members of her team.

She picks Troy and Amy. Obviously.

We go back to the suite. Heidi is on the phone with her mom. She is telling her mom that she's dedicating this win to her. It's very cute.

Mr. Trump is not with them in the helicopter, which I found to be surprising. We, the viewer, are treated to many wide shots of Manhattan which were certainly not taken from this specific helicopter ride. Troy is so amused by everything they see. Little thirty-two year old boy from Idaho. He calls the Statue of Liberty the most beautiful woman in America, next to his mother.

VersaCorp is intently negotiating what will happen in the boardroom. Ereka is trying to get Bill to be on her side in the boardroom. The problem is that Bill felt like last time he was on her side, she totally flipped in front of Trump. He says he can't trust her.

VersaCorp goes to the boardroom. Trump asks what happened. Ereka said “we lost by two-thousand dollars.” Trump, in a clearly overdubbed voice, says, “That's a very large percentage.”

Ereka explains they did very well with bars and restaurants. They failed at hooking up with any distributors.

Trump asks Nick how he feels. He says he feels terrible and he's sick of losing.

Carolyn interjects, saying that all four of them failed.

George says he's surprised at how little all four of them have learned. He's very frustrated that none of the people in the boardroom have learned how to get close to their customers.

Ereka says she told Nick to learn about the warehouse and its owners before he went in there. She says he didn't do what she asked. Nick asks how she could know that. She wasn't there at the warehouse. However, Katrina was there. Nick goes on to say that he reviewed the website. George says that Nick clearly never attempted to warm up to the customer. Nick says he doesn't have to because of his warmth and energy.

Nick then vents about how Ereka was frazzled in front of everyone. A leader should never do that, he says.

This is a brutal boardroom meeting. There's only four people left on this team and they are all just shouting at each other. Trump insists that Ereka and Katrina are best friends, for some reason, and that he knows that Ereka won't pick Katrina to be in the bottom three. He is correct. She picks the two boys.

I have a feeling that Ereka is going to get canned. She is far too emotional for Trump. He doesn't like that. He wants someone who will just listen to him and does what he says.

Nick comes back into the boardroom guns blazing. He immediately starts speaking before he sits down and says he's always going full-throttle out there. It's only a coincidence that he's lost six times, apparently. Ereka starts talking too, and Trump immediately lashes into Bill, saying that he sees right through his game of keeping quiet while the emotional people argue it out. This is going to be good.

Trump then asks Bill who he would choose to be fired. Bill doesn't want to say. George gangs up on him. Finally Bill lets it out that he was mad that Ereka wasn't listening to any of his ideas early on. However, he keeps waffling and won't commit to saying “Ereka” until George pulls the words out of his mouth.

Bill says that Ereka and he did most of the sales. Nick didn't do much. So now Trump is trying to figure out the alliances and get to the truth of what is happening.

Especially the Katrina/Ereka alliance. Ereka reveals that she didn't bring Katrina into the boardroom because Katrina didn't “take a leadership role.” She also “brought in the most dollars.” Carolyn interrupts, she did, or she and Nick did? Remember, Nick and Katrina were traveling together, doing sales. Even though Nick seems to have struggled, it is clear that when they made a sale, both Katrina and Nick were equally involved. There is definitely some bias on the part of Ereka here.

Trump pretty much immediately fires Ereka, without much more thought.