Episode 15 - Season Finale

First of all, creative title. Second of all, this is an hour-and-a-half finale. Seriously, there's like nothing left to this show. Both teams are halfway done with their challenges and then the show is over. How the hell could there be an hour-and-a-half of content left?

The episode begins with a long recap of the series so far. In fact, I would say that calling it a recap is being too generous. It's basically just a voiceover of Trump explaining how the mechanics of the game work. He explains that the contestants play a game, they're monitored by George and Carolyn, and subsequently someone gets fired. You know the drill. In addition to this explanation, random dramatic moments from the show are recounted, such as Kwame pretending to be a basketball player at Planet Hollywood and Ereka and Omarosa calling each other bitches.

It’s clear in the recap that Trump has significantly more praise for Bill than Kwame. Bill gets lauded for his managerial skills, but Kwame is just described as calm with an MBA from Harvard Business School. I will note that he says that both Bill and Kwame were in over their heads. I don't see Bill's situation and Kwame's situation to be related at all. Bill was just a little unorganized and ended up with more shipments of golf equipment than he expected. But he still got everything and the event seems to be going off without a hitch. Kwame has to deal with a lying Omarosa who might end up keeping Jessica Simpson from even performing. That would be a disaster much larger than anything Bill has to deal with.

But apparently there was no need for all of this drama around Jessica Simpson's arrival at all. If Omarosa would have simply done her job, she would have known ahead of time that Jessica's team actually planned their own transportation from the airport. While Kwame's team was frantically calling people and their driver was just waiting at the airport, Jessica was already in her hotel room with none other than Nick Lachey. That really dates this show perfectly.

Bill goes to the country club at like 4:30 a.m. Apparently, so does everyone else. It's kind of creepy because it's so dark. There is a “frost-delay” on the course, which means that no one will be able to start playing golf until about 10:30 a.m. I don't have any basis for comparison for when a golf tournament should start, but Bill seems upset. He is also upset that they misplaced one of their sponsor's signs. One of the golf course employees subsequently finds the sign in the trash. Hopefully Bill can pull it together.

Kwame and Troy also get an early start. They meet with the charity's staff to learn more about what they do. They then go to breakfast. Or at least, they try to. Apparently, nobody told the hotel staff that the team wanted breakfast for Jessica and Nick and their families at 10:00 a.m., so the staff quickly throws something together. I don't think anyone receiving the breakfast notices, but still. The weird guy from a previous episode with the slicked back hair who runs the Taj Mahal says that he thinks Kwame is cracking under pressure.

Bill learns that Trump is coming to the golf course to check things out. He arrives, driving his own car, which I find very hard to believe. There's no way Trump has driven himself anywhere since he was in his twenties. Bill still seems overly fucking concerned about this frost delay. Like, come on, it's not your fault that there is frost outside! How could Bill do anything differently in this situation?

To top this all off, when Bill tells Trump it could be delayed until 10:30, Trump says sternly, “No later than 10:30.” Seriously, I fail to see how this is his fault. What the fuck kind of made-up drama is this?

Apparently Troy was the one who messed up the breakfast. I guess he told Kwame he had several meetings to set up the time, but it turns out that those meetings never happened? I believed that Omarosa would lie, because she has a million times, but now Troy lies too? Bizarre. I thought he was Kwame's best associate.

Troy also screws up the next task! Jessica was doing a meet-and-greet with fans in the afternoon. Initially, sixty people were expected, so they booked a smaller room at the casino. Yesterday, it was communicated to Troy that one hundred and forty people had signed up. Problem is, he never told Heidi that, and Heidi was placed in charge of the meet-and-greet. As a compromise, Troy decides to institute a very efficient system for the meet-and-greet to get fans in and out. It seems very aggressive at first. He's basically talking to the fans like they're third graders, and surprisingly, they are mostly adults.

In spite of all of these setbacks, George has nothing but praise for Kwame. He says this task is extremely difficult, much more difficult than Bill's, and that he is impressed with Kwame's calm demeanor.

Meanwhile, on the golf course, the temperature has barely cracked fifty degrees. Trump is sitting on the patio. He says “come on, let's go play golf, enough of this,” and gets up, as if he's the person determining when everyone can hit the links, not his hardworking course maintenance people. Go fuck yourself, you shit-stained orange creamsicle.

Bill, I think, is starting to realize that things are working really well. Everything is set up for the gala. Now we're just being treated to the beautiful fall time shots of the golf course. It is really pretty. I've got to give Trump some credit here. He has a nice golf course.

Trump plays a game, and he seems very impressed with how smoothly everything is going over. He praises Bill in front of everyone at the tournament for raising so much money. He then takes his private helicopter to Atlantic City to see how Kwame is doing. He lands, and Kwame gives him a quick update as to what has happened so far. He informs Trump that they are currently in the middle of the meet-and-greet.

Down in the ballroom things are getting tense. It's getting close to show time, two hours out, and there are still tons of people in line. Jessica wants to get ready for her show. Troy informs the team that Kwame and Trump are coming downstairs to meet Jessica. Troy walks away for five seconds and Omarosa carts Jessica away, making Trump miss her. This really stupid montage of scenes happens where Trump and Kwame look around for Jessica and can't find her anywhere. Why the hell should Kwame know exactly where Jessica is at any given time? She has to get ready for her show! Trump just doesn't have free access to all of the Taj Mahal's performers, especially when they have to get ready for their shows! This is so weird. I guess they have to fill this hour and a half somehow though.

Trump seems to get really mad that they are just wandering around looking for Jessica. But this was his stupid idea. Eventually, Trump, Melania, Kwame, and Troy realize that Jessica is in the suite with Omarosa. They head up to the suite and meet with Jessica and Nick. Apparently Melania is a big fan of Newlyweds and is very excited to meet Jessica.

The Jessica Simpson show is about to start. For some reason, Trump gets on the stage to address her audience. I guess this show is to benefit a charity too. I must have missed that. He announces that he will donate twenty-five thousand dollars. Of course Trump has to go on stage and make the show all about him. Anyway, Jessica then comes out and the show seems to go off flawlessly.

A post-tournament party is happening back at the golf course. Bill takes his team into a back room and congratulates them for a job well done. Kwame does the same, after Jessica's concert ends. Trump flies back to Trump Tower in his helicopter. I guess the rest of the teams are back there as well.

The amount of filler right now is insane. Lots of long shots of Trump landing, Bill and Kwame entering the suite, the remainder of the contestants going into the board room, etc. It's definitely excessive.

Trump interviews Kwame and Bill's team members first. Kwame's team says he did a great job. George and Carolyn fight over whether or not the concert or the golf tournament was more difficult. George thinks the concert is harder.

Bill's team says he wasn't as calm as usual. They said he was a little ruffled. They give the specific instance of the lost sign. On the contrary, Kwame's team says he was too calm, and that he didn't have enough intensity. Trump seems to light up when they say this like, “I agree with you!”

Trump then jokingly tells them all to leave, saying they haven't helped him to decide at all.

Meanwhile, Bill and Kwame are just sitting on a bench outside of the board room. Finally, after a long pause, Trump calls them in. The first thing Trump asks is if Kwame had any trouble with his team members. He laughs and he says, “Yeah.” Everyone knows it's Omarosa. Trump asks if her tendency to want to be out in the spotlight made it difficult for Kwame to manage her. Kwame says that it did. Trump says he was surprised that she was picked so early. Kwame said he thought she was qualified and that he made a mistake.

George says to Kwame that his only comment is that his management could have been a little more hands-on. Even if things aren't going well, the leader has to make it clear that things will be resolved, and that he will have a part in it. Otherwise he loses the trust and goodwill of his team.

Carolyn says to Bill that she thinks the tournament went really well. She said she was surprised by the things Bill's teammates said about him, saying that he was flustered under certain circumstances. Bill says he disagrees, but his perfectionism might have made him seem anxious or flustered. Trump asks him several times if he is better than Kwame. Finally Bill says that his desire and track record make him a better fit than Kwame. Bill and Kwame basically argue for two minutes over who is a better choice. Trump says they both gave up so much to work for him, and that this decision is extremely difficult. He tells them to get out so he can make a decision. They go back to the waiting bench.

Trump asks George and Carolyn for their opinions. George, without hesitation, recommends Kwame. He loves his cool demeanor under pressure. Carolyn says she agrees that Kwame is outstanding, but she says that he is too textbook. Carolyn says that she thinks Bill is a better fit for the Trump Organization. She says he motivated his unpaid staff extremely well. Trump is basically split.

Trump calls them back in and gives a very long speech. He says that two things about Kwame bother him, “big-league.” He definitely says league this time and not “bigly.” I feel like he waffles between those two words. Anyway, he said it bothered him that Omarosa lied to Kwame twice and Kwame didn't fire her. Kwame says he didn't know that was an option at the time. Trump never actually reveals if it's an option.

He tells Bill he did a good job.  He said things were a little crazy but he got the job done.

Trump tells Kwame he will have an amazing, successful future. However, he then turns to Bill and says, you're hired. Suddenly, the boardroom walls drop, revealing a studio audience, loudly cheering for Bill. Something like the Saturday Night Live theme song plays. We get some footage of people back in Chicago cheering for Bill at a bar somewhere.

Trump pulls Bill on stage, saying that Bill still has some business to take care of. He says to him, “here is your first big decision.” He gets to choose between two jobs for Mr. Trump. The first is a building project in Chicago called Trump International Hotel and Tower on the former site of the Chicago Sun-Times. A seven hundred million dollar construction project with a five-star hotel. Set to finish in 2007. The other project is a new golf course in Los Angeles, CA on the edge of the Pacific Ocean. He bought the course about a year ago after the eighteenth hole fell into the ocean. Trump got millions of cubic yards of earth to create a ton of infill and fix it. Bill would become a manager there.

Bill has two minutes to decide. The entire cast of contestants comes out to join Bill and Trump on stage. I think the band might actually be the Saturday Night Live band. It's all very unclear. Bill picks the Chicago project because it's “where he's from” and “it's the best place in the world.” That is very sweet.

After Bill selects his job, we turn to a little question and answer session of sorts with the cast. Trump says that we're all dying to know “what's the deal with Omarosa.” But no question like this is really answered during their casual conversation. The whole cast just kind of laughs about all of the things Omarosa has done. Ereka, sitting right next to Omarosa, mind you, says that she would have immediately fired her because she is a huge liar. I guess those two never made up.

Trump then calls Nick and Amy's romance “pathetic” and says it “wasn't very hot.” He asks them to explain. Nick says they dated briefly after the show, but they are not together anymore. Amy says that their breakup was mutual and they're better off as close friends. Trump says he “has had some very close friends,” to uproarious laughter over something that isn't even close to being funny.

Apparently Bill has also won a brand-new convertible Chrysler Crossfire. Trump very loudly thanks Chrysler and George Steinbrenner for both being there for him as sponsors before he knew this show was gonna be a big hit.

At this point, Sam gets up. He says he has a proposition for Mr. Trump. He says he has with him two-hundred and fifty thousand dollars, the same amount Trump is giving to Bill for winning, and he will give it to Trump right now if he lets him back on the show for this upcoming season. Sam seriously has this money in a suitcase with him. Trump takes the suitcase and says that he will consider the offer. I have no idea if Sam gets a second chance or not, and I'm not about to research it. That was a very strange sequence, even for this show. What does Trump need that money for? Why would he even take the suitcase?

The final reveal of this casual conversation is that Tammy is expecting a baby. I wonder what Trump's maternity leave policies are. I'm guessing they are not good.

And...that's it. That's the end of the show. We get a sneak peak of the next season of the Apprentice, but you've got to be kidding me if you think I'm going to dip my toes into Season 2.

Episode 14 – Down to the Wire

It's still so crazy to me that Troy got fired instead of Kwame. I never thought Troy was actually a loose cannon, as Donald's advisors have continued to purport throughout this whole series. I feel like all of the slightly negative things he has done have been blown completely out of proportion. Kwame seems like a good business man, but I don't know if he has what it takes to be a leader at one of Trump's companies.

Things here are “down to the wire.” The four remaining contestants go to the “Esquire Suite” at Trump World Tower. There are seven people in the room, waiting for them, including Mr. Trump. Trump tells the four that they should be proud of themselves, and he then introduces the people in the room. We know Carolyn and George. I was actually worried George was dead, because he's really old and hasn't been in an episode for a while. His presence is good news. In addition to the two of them we have Norma, Allen, Charlie, and Tom. These four all work for Trump. They will interview the four remaining candidates all day. They will then make their recommendations to Trump and Trump will fire two people, leaving two for the final episode.

This has the potential to be an extremely boring episode. But we shall see.

Nick says, “it all comes down to this, can you hang or bang with the top people in the Trump world,” which is an extremely weird sentence.

Kwame enters his first interview, with Allen. Allen starts off hot, telling Kwame he's heard he's a very low energy contestant, and Allen asks him to explain if that is true or not. Kwame says his style is different; not everybody shows their energy in the same way. Still, Kwame is sweating bullets.

Amy is in with Charlie. Charlie is grilling her over her management style.

Bill is speaking with Norma. She asks him for his biggest weakness and he says that he's never satisfied. Norma says that's not a weakness.

Nick is in with Tom, telling Tom how smart he is and how much charisma he has. Tom asks what else he has to offer.

These are some tough interviews. All four of Trump's advisors seem extremely aggravated that they have to do this. The show goes rapid fire through all of these interviews, back and forth, so I'm not going to give a complete play-by-play. Some highlights include Charlie telling Bill that he must be getting by on his instincts, because he “sure as hell isn't getting by on [his] education,” and Tom telling Nick he has no time to teach him anything and that he needs to learn “some damn things for himself.” After a few of these short interview clips play, the rapid-fire cuts become even more rapid until the screen cuts to black. The day of interviews is over.

Trump brings all of the interviewers into the boardroom to talk with them about the candidates and their impressions. He first asks Norma who she liked most. She says Bill. Charlie agrees that Bill was the best, and said he could “relate to him immediately” and  would require “very little supervision and training.” Alan, when asked about Kwame, says that he thinks that Kwame's response that energy isn't everything was worrisome. Trump seems to disagree, saying he sees high energy people all the time who just sit around wasting it.

They discuss Nick. They say he's a good presenter and a good salesman, but he seems to be a bit too slick for his own good. They don't think he has what it takes to be a head of one of Trump's companies.

Norma says that Amy got on her nerves after a while. Apparently she irritated Tom too. He said she had hunger and drive but no motivation. Charlie calls her a “Stepford wife” who just had meaningless conversation with her. I hate that kind of name-calling so much. Trump responds to all of them in a very loud overdubbed voice, “Wow, I didn't expect to hear that. But I trust you guys.” He thanks them and tells them to go back to work.

Trump sends everyone back in. The music has continued to get more dramatic and orchestral throughout the episode.

Trump asks Nick if he thinks Kwame is good. Nick sputters a bit in his answer, and George tries to step in to help him and Trump yells, telling George not to interrupt him. This is the first time I've seen Trump angry at his assistants all season.

Trump continues to just pit each of the candidates against each other with direct questions about what they each think of each other's leadership ability. He loves doing this. It's been in every single episode. I'm pretty bored of it to be honest.

Whoa, Amy says she would recommend firing Nick! Trump calls her a “cold hearted . . . person.” I guess the censors must have told him to refrain from using the b-word.

Trump focuses on Nick. He said that everyone in the room has described Nick as a great salesman but not a great leader.  He says it takes more than being able to sell yourself to run a company. He says you have to command the respect of everyone in the room. He fires Nick. Nick gets up and leaves the room, respectfully.

After Nick leaves, Trump continues to pit the contestants against each other. Bill's education comes up again. It comes up in the context of it being relative to Kwame's Harvard education, which is fair, but I still find it so odd that everyone keeps focusing on it. He went to Loyola. I don't understand why that is so miserable. And actually, Kwame says he agrees with Bill that education doesn't matter that much. Really, at this point, it's Amy driving the conversation. She seems scared. Trump brings us to this topic of “energy.” Trump calls Amy the highest energy person in the room. This sets Bill off. He says that everyone expresses their energy in different ways. He says Amy is the most vocal with her energy, telling everyone about it, but that doesn't mean she's actually the highest energy candidate.

Trump says he has been disappointed today with what he's heard from the interviews with Amy. He said the fact that they all felt Amy was an empty personality means that they will never respect her, and so he fires Amy.

Trump congratulates Bill and Kwame for performing well and impressing his executives.  He tells them to go back to the suite and prepare for their final task, which will be the “biggest one yet.” We cut to Bill and Kwame walking on the roof of Trump Tower. They pop a bottle of Moet and congratulate each other for getting this far.

Black Screen Moment. “Dog Does Not Eat Dog.” Yes, that is the title. “The greatest thing that can happen to a business man or woman is to surround yourself with talented people who also happen to be loyal. You never know what makes a loyal person, and guess what, if they're not loyal to you one time, don't give them a second chance because they won't be loyal to you the next time.” I'm not certain what this is referring to in this episode.

The next morning, Bill and Kwame enter the boardroom. For their final task, each of them will oversee a “huge event.” Bill will run the Chrysler Golf Tournament in Briarcliff Manor, which is Trump National, I think. Kwame will be in charge of the Jessica Simpson concert at the Taj Mahal in Atlantic City. Again, remember, this is 2004. Trump is going to bring in some people, and they will get to choose from said group to build their teams.

Big surprise alert! He brings back the last few people who were fired. He lets Bill pick first, and the teams for the final task are as follows. Bill's team is Amy, Katrina, and Nick. Kwame's team is Troy, Omarosa, and Heidi.

The teams will be driven to their destinations in a private limo. Trump tosses them bound manuals which are the rules for their contest, apparently. He tells them to get started.

Kwame gives everyone roles on his way in the limo. He establishes a plan before hand and will let his teammates do what they do best. However, I do note that he really doesn't ask anyone what they want to do and instead just picks for them. Bill takes a different approach. Once his team arrives at the country club, they meet with Leslie, Trump National's event planner. His team works together to figure out who will work best doing what tasks.

Kwame and his team are in the middle of a dinner, after a day of organizing, when Omarosa gets a call from someone named Diane. Apparently she is the Taj Mahal's event coordinator. This person tells her that, since Kwame has assigned her “logistics,” she has to coordinate Jessica Simpson's arrival at the airport with her band's arrival at the airport. In classic Omarosa style, she tells Diane that she is busy at dinner and asks if Diane can just do the work. Diane says no. The phone call ends.

When she arrives back at the table, Troy asks what the phone call was about. Omarosa says she refuses to talk about it. That's ridiculous. No one on the team seems to have any idea that Omarosa isn't doing her job.

The next morning, Kwame's whole team is in his suite, and there is a phone call. Omarosa answers it. It's from Diane. She wants to speak to Kwame, but Omarosa won't let her, so Diane reveals that the band is stuck at the airport with the wrong transportation information. Kwame gets on the phone and, in doing so, the team realizes that Omarosa got this phone call last night and basically ignored the problem. After Kwame is finished speaking to Diane, Omarosa rips the phone out of his hands and insists that she doesn't understand what the problem is. Diane tells her that she needs to coordinate when all the flights are arriving. Omarosa says she will call her right back and abruptly hangs up.

Kwame basically catches Omarosa in a lie here. Omarosa insists that the call at the restaurant was just a call telling her to call Diane later, which is a huge lie. Kwame is pissed. He calls it silly. But he doesn't really confront the issue, and he just sort of lets Omarosa slide.

Meanwhile, at the golf course, Bill's team is trying to figure out a place to store all of the incoming golf equipment. They fill the entire lobby with boxes of clubs and bags.

Kwame's team is at dinner with Jessica Simpson's dad, who is also her manager. Omarosa leaves to check on the band's arrival. Everything seems to be in order until she goes back to the office, when she gets yet another call from Diane. Apparently Jessica Simpson never arrived at the airport and there was no luggage there for her. The driver is just waiting there, confused. Omarosa calls Kwame at dinner to explain. Kwame just says “okay” and hangs up the phone. He says that she can deal with it and that he'll come up in a little while. He is very irritated at what Omarosa has done.

Kwame arrives at the office with Troy, and they try to figure out what exactly Omarosa needs. When they ask her this directly, she doesn't really tell them anything and just gives them a lot of attitude. Omarosa seems very upset that Kwame won't buy in to her drama. Kwame leaves, and Troy and Omarosa call the airport approximately one-hundred times trying to find Jessica.

And that's the episode! As far as I know Jessica Simpson is still alive, so I assume they find her somewhere.

Episode 13 – The Price Is Height

Amy is the only female left in this contest. Other than her, we have Nick, Bill, Kwame, and Troy. I do notice that when I put the fourth and final disc into my DVD player, there are only three episodes left including this one. Shouldn't there be four, logically? How will four more people be fired in only three episodes? A friend of mine told me that a lot of reality shows will have a final episode which is a showdown of the remaining three contestants, so that could be what is coming. Or perhaps multiple people will be fired in the same episode. We will have to see.

Nick is a little upset over the words Amy used against him in the boardroom. Remember, she called Bill her toughest competition, when she had previously lead Nick to believe that person was him. He can't figure out if she's intentionally trying to set him off and weaken him. Regardless of whether or not it is intentional, it seems to be working.

Probably in reference to that tense boardroom moment, Troy calls Kwame his biggest competition. I still think Kwame is the weak link here. But having this conversation on screen makes me think a little bit. When I look at the final five people, I notice that we have the Troy-Kwame friendship and the Nick-Amy complicated relationship. That leaves Bill, who is basically on the outside looking in. That could really play to his advantage. He doesn't have to make anyone happy. He can just be himself without worrying about impacting personal relationships.

The teams proceed to meet Mr. Trump at the ninetieth floor penthouse of “Trump World Tower.” I was actually very confused when I first heard where they were going. I know from the news that Trump has lied many times about the heights of his towers, and I thought to myself, this tower can't actually be ninety stories, right? Well, I learned from an internet search that Trump Tower and Trump World Tower are actually two distinct buildings, and they are currently in the latter, which is an all-residential building. Trump Tower is fifty-eight stories, and it is the building I was thinking of which he lied about many times. He calls it sixty-eight stories, because he believes that the lobby occupies ten normal building stories. You can't make this stuff up. Trump World Tower is actually taller. It clocks in at seventy-two stories and is eight hundred and sixty-one feet high, roughly two hundred feet taller than Trump Tower. It's still not ninety though, so someone is lying, and I don't think it's Wikipedia.

They proceed to the empty luxury penthouse condominium. He calls it “Trump Luxury.” It is completely insane. The views out the window are out of control. He says he only rents it out for special events. The teams are to take this penthouse and rent it out for an evening for a minimum of twenty-thousand dollars. The team that rents it out for the most money wins. The winning team will take the Trump jet to Mar-A-Lago. I have been waiting for this show to mention our nation's finest vacation resort. Trump says it is a beautiful estate and then says that the winners will have lunch there. He emphasizes that it will be a romantic lunch and looks at Nick and Amy. He makes them both giggle. Tee-hee.

The teams proceed down to the lobby of Trump Tower and make some phone calls. They plan some meetings with event planners. Protege meet with a Trump Tower employee to ask her about past rentals.

VersaCorp bring some potential renters up to the penthouse to show them the space. Right off the bat, Amy is getting frustrated with Nick's sales style. Nick is very direct with the potential renters, pointing out where the band should go or where the snacks should go, basically creating a narrative for their evening. Amy thinks that since they are all event planners he should just leave the planning to them.

Black screen moment. Passion. “You cannot be successful without passion. If you don't love what you're doing; if you don't have passion for it, forget it. Do something else. You'll be much more successful. And you'll lead a much happier life.” What a yawner. Boring! Also maybe you should have been more passionate about politics before you decided to run for president, idiot.

Protege go out for lunch and discuss sales tactics. We then see their sales tactics in action. Bill shows potential renters the apartment. Troy negotiates prices after Bill hooks them. I'm not sure where Kwame is in all of this.

Amy and Nick continue to try to sell the rental. They are having trouble with the pricing. Every time they propose a price or hint that other people would pay forty-thousand dollars for the space, the clients balk. Amy says the highest price they've heard is ten-thousand, which doesn't cut it based on the rules of the contest. They come close to a deal with someone who wants a New Year's Eve party. The problem is, as they find out in the deal's closing moments, the lease agreement says the lessee has to vacate the premises by midnight. That particular loss of a deal was a heartbreaker for them.

Meanwhile, Troy is working this couple hard in the negotiation room. He has them committing to thirty-five thousand dollars. Suddenly, Kwame walks in, pulls Troy aside, and says that there are people taking a tour of the penthouse who want to outbid them. Kwame sits down and schmoozes this couple who were in the middle of a negotiation while Troy goes upstairs to talk to the other group of people. He creates a sense of false urgency and gets the other group too worried. They walk away. So then the team has to run back downstairs and close the deal with the thirty-five thousand people. He does it and the deal is closed at thirty-five thousand and one dollars, just in case the other team gets to thirty-five.

Bill sees Nick and Amy in the lobby and says they look gassed and exasperated. They sure are. We find out that there is only fifteen minutes left. No one has signed a lease for them yet. They seem to have no plan. All of a sudden this woman Kate walks in. She had previously looked at the apartment, apparently. She says she wants to sign a lease. Nick walks over and gets her to sign for an undisclosed amount.

In the boardroom, after the contest is over, Trump jokes to Nick, “You think Amy and you might live in a place like that together, someday?” Stupid.

We recap the final sales figures. Bernie says Protege got a lease for thirty-five thousand and one dollars, which the viewers already know. Carolyn says VersaCorp got a lease for forty thousand eight hundred dollars! Holy cow! This is a huge reveal.

Poor Protege. They were so confident with their lease amount. Even if they got the thirty-eight thousand five hundred dollars from the other couple, they would not have won. Nick and Amy really know what they are doing.

Hopefully they will have a beautiful private trip to Mar-A-Lago full of plowing. Sorry.

There are so, so many jokes about Nick and Amy going on in the suite. Bill, for some reason, is really pushing it hard. Nick just sits on the couch, drinking a Sam Adams by himself, while this all goes on.

Trump actually seems to be very supportive of Nick and Amy having a relationship, which surprises me. He says he hopes they have a good time together and have a fun trip. I would expect more of a protective father figure kind of mentality from him, although to be honest I'm certain he is a terrible father.

Trump's jet is ridiculous. It has like forty-five seats and several beds. Trump's pilot steps out to greet Nick and Amy and he tells them that there will be “additional guests” on the flight. Is this a trick?

Amy's sister and Nick's dad get on the flight! It's easy to forget how long these contestants have been away from home. They are so happy to see their families. It's really sweet. And so oddly sweet of Trump to do this.

The most important part of all of this is that we learn Nick's father is named Moose. Moose says Nick has a bad history with women. He seems to want to make sure Amy knows this. He brings up some west coast girl, making Nick blush, and it seems to make Amy a little sad. However, that quickly fades once they arrive at Mar-A-Lago.

They are greeted by the “historian” who gives them a tour of the property. How the fuck is this person a historian? The pampering that goes on here is insane. It's no wonder Trump goes here every weekend. Everywhere they turn, a servant is there to give them food, or a drink, or to seat them.

Meanwhile, everyone on Protege is anxious. Since Troy is the project manager, it will be interesting to see his strategy. He loves Kwame. But is Kwame really a better performer than Bill? Bill did way more on this task to close their thirty-five thousand dollar deal.

In the boardroom, Kwame says he would rather have Troy on his side than Bill. Then Bill says that Troy has been in this boardroom too many times to count. Bernie asks Bill if he would hire Troy as a CFO. He says no. Kwame also says no, which I think really upsets Troy.

Trump asks Troy why he wants to work for him. He's a real estate developer, does he really want to go and work for Trump as an executive? Troy then tells Trump that in his high school yearbook, he supposedly wrote “Trump I'm coming” under his picture. He also pulls out a letter which he says he mailed to Trump fifteen years ago. He says he has no college education, and his only education is the “art of the deal.” I find it very bizarre that we haven't heard any of this until now. I guess Troy is scared of being fired, because this really seems desperate.

Troy says that Bill can go back up to the suite. He is going to bring Kwame back in. He is actually picking based on skill and not based on friendships. I'm a little surprised.

In their private meeting, Carolyn says that Kwame is too by-the-book. Bernie says that Troy has great instincts but is too often a loose cannon.

Back in the boardroom, Troy says he picked Kwame because Kwame has been working hard but still hasn't proven himself. He hasn't really been a true leader.

Donald goes off onto this bizarre overdubbed monologue, even more obviously overdubbed than normal, with his back to the camera. He describes each person's pros and cons. Trump calls it “the toughest choice I've had to make.” In the end, he says that being a loose cannon is too risky with his high profile clients. He fires Troy.

Episode 12 - Circus, Circus

Great news for your beloved author. Episode eleven is a clip show called “A Look Back.” I'm going to give it a few minutes of viewing, just to make sure that there is nothing new. It does include “a sneak peek of what's to come,” according to Trump.

The first clip is literally the entire long-form contestant introduction from the first episode. It is completely unedited. This whole episode seems like such a bad attempt to fill an hour of TV airtime. I'm moving on to Episode twelve. This puts me one step closer to finishing this nightmarish task.

This is going to be a turning point for this show. There are only six contestants left. Troy and Kwame are going to have to prove their worth with a win if they want to keep going. So far I'm not sure that either of them really has what it takes to win this show. Sure, Troy has great ideas and has been keeping his teams afloat, but for the most part those teams have been huge underperformers. It wouldn't take much leadership skills to lead the teams he’s been on. Even less proven is Kwame, who has been a real survivor in this contest. He hasn't really done anything of note, and yet he keeps escaping being fired. I'm excited for things to unfold.

First, another team even-out is in the cards. Troy and Kwame pick Bill to join their side.

Trump says that when he built Trump Tower, he wanted to have people come in and, off of their backs, “make lots of money.” So to that end, he built this stupid six-story waterfall in the lobby, apparently. He genuinely seems to believe that the waterfall is the single reason that Trump Tower is on the map as a destination. I would wager that is not correct at all, and would argue that the Trump name is the real and only draw of the tower. 

Today's task is tangentially related to what he is talking about. The contestants are going to go to Trump Taj Mahal in Atlantic City with Carolyn and Marc, who is filling in for George, and they are going to come up with a promotional idea to bring gamblers into the casino. Their promotions will run from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. the next day.

Amy is managing for VersaCorp. Katrina seems really pissed off at Amy and Nick flirting with each other. She feels like a third wheel.

On Protege's side, Bill says he doesn't think he and Troy have compatible business styles. He doesn’t seem to like Troy at all, actually. I note that Kwame is managing for Protege. Giving him all the responsibility here makes me think that it might finally be his time to fall.

VersaCorp are all sleeping on the bus. Isn't Atlantic City like an hour and a half drive? Didn't these people sleep last night? This is so bizarre. After they show everyone sleeping, Troy makes a comment about how Protege is taking everything more seriously, and how this means they will win. Again, as with most things on this show, the whole bus scene is rigged for drama.

Troy calls the casino “amazing.” Is it Troy? Is it? Didn't it fail like five years after this was filmed?

Marc says that all the customer of a casino wants is to “have a good time.” That and lose custody of the kids. Sorry. Did I mention that I hate casinos?

Bill realizes that in order to pull in the most money and win the contest they are going to need to bring in high-quality players, as opposed to just sheer volume of gamblers.

Amy, Katrina, and Nick are brainstorming in their hotel. Amy's plan is to have a raffle giveaway of a luxury rental car. It seems like that is the idea they will go with.

Troy calls “a carpenter,” and it takes me a full minute to realize he didn't say “Abe Carpenter.” He wants him to build them a wheel, apparently? Ah, it's like a wheel of fortune wheel. Can't you just buy those? Why would you waste time building one? And why is there a carpenter who is taking up residence in the Taj Mahal? This is totally unexplained and baffling to me.

Katrina and Amy go to a Chrysler dealership. Katrina had pre-negotiated a deal, at least she says she did. She wants the Crossfire. She is flirting with “Bob” and it's making Amy unhappy, as it should. Katrina is such a strange person. She's so mad at every misbehavior everyone does, but she's completely eschewing any kind of honest negotiation to just act cute and flirt to get her way. Regardless of ethics, it sounds like the Chrysler dealership is on board.

Troy, Kwame, and Bill are negotiating with a ten year old boy? They say he's in charge of some show at the casino. A tiger show. The something Brothers. I can't make it out. What the fuck is happening?

Troy and Kwame go to his show that evening to learn more about it. They tell Bill that he needs to stay back at work. Bill is initially okay with it, but he gets angrier as the night goes on. It's a two and a half hour show.

Nick and Amy are flirting like crazy. Their suite only has two rooms. Katrina jokes that they should have a room to themselves. But it appears that for tonight, they are sleeping separately.

Black screen moment. “It's Easier To Think Big.” “It's always been easier for me to think big; it was always easier for me to attract the money and the capital than it would be if I did a small job someplace that nobody cared about and nobody wanted to finance. For instance, I'm building a new golf course in Bedminster, NJ. The site covers over five hundred acres, which is huge. When I'm done, it's going to be one of the best golf courses anywhere in the world.”

While he says this in the voice over, he's being filmed walking around the job site. He says such things as “Good smooth stuff, this topsoil is great, good and smooth, okay.” and “People always ask, Trump does he wear a wig? I have my own hair! You see it now in the wind!”

Protege has a line out the door for their wheel idea. One of the positions on the wheel allows you to enter a raffle to win one thousand dollars. It's kind of amazing how stupidly successful this is.

VersaCorp is holding a raffle for the luxury car rental worth three hundred dollars. Three hundred dollars? My dad's car dealership sponsored a contest at the Sands Casino and they gave away a car! Their idea seems to me like it wouldn't have an audience. The wealthy casino patrons wouldn't want to rent a luxury car, since they already probably own one.

VersaCorp recruited models to ask people to fill out raffle tickets. Everyone is very confused as to why they aren't just giving away the car. People are being enticed away from their contest by the wheel contest.

Despite the fact that they seem to clearly be winning, Bill calls VersaCorp “vultures” and tells their models to stay at least fifty feet away from him. VersaCorp continues to encroach on their territory. They steal away their idea to use a PA system and lights. Bill calls it all out war.

VersaCorp is already feeling like they're behind when, all of a sudden, Protege brings in a tiger in a cage! Kwame said it was a “very Donald Trump” thing to do, and he also said it was like they were “dunking on the other team.” It sure does seem like that at first glance. However, Bill is worried about the benefits, thinking it is almost too much. It's keeping people from spending money on the machines. They're instead standing out on the floor gawking at a tiger.

VersaCorp is trying to pounce on this opportunity, getting people to fill out their raffle tickets and go gamble rather than stare at a tiger.

Donald suddenly arrives at the casino. The casino patrons start cheering and shaking his hand. He goes over to Protege's display and makes a shitty speech on their stage. He then goes over to VersaCorp and seems to give them his approval for their volume of players gambling, without thinking about how little money they are making, which is such a Trump move. He's all about show over substance in his real life. Think about how much money he has lost and how many times he's gone bankrupt in his life, and despite all of that he's always building the biggest and most excessive things possible.

Both teams have announced their individual raffle winners. There are so many people in this shitty casino. I really didn't hear who won.

You could say that this whole game was just a ploy to get footage of Trump being cheered by his casino patrons.

VersaCorp brought in one-thousand three hundred and thirty-seven players, Carolyn says. They netted one hundred and five thousand dollars.

Protege brought in seven hundred and seventy-six players. They made one hundred and twenty-three thousand dollars. Marc says that they targeted VIPs and that helped their bottom line a lot.

There is this really long shot of Amy with her head kind of tilted to the side. She looks like she's in complete disbelief. It holds on her, for at least twenty-five seconds, while Trump says “Amy, it finally happened. [totally different voice] I'll see you in the boardroom.” I almost lost it at this terrible production. Seriously, how did this show become a hit?

Protege are getting three-thousand dollars to gamble and they're staying over in one of the penthouse suites tonight. It really is amazing that Kwame holds on!

This penthouse suite is ridiculous. There's like one hundred bottles of liquor and champagne, and also caviar and shrimp. The teammates all have fun at the casino. Bill and Troy bond.

Who is going to get fired? The obvious answer here would be Katrina, since she doesn't bring much to the table other than flirting with everyone and picking fights with her fellow contestants. But I have a feeling that there might not be a happy end to Nick and Amy's budding relationship.

Carolyn says that she doesn't think the three hundred dollar voucher was enough of a draw. Katrina says she agrees. Marc says they didn't think big enough. He compares it to a “flea market.” Katrina then complains about how she wanted to make it a “circus,” I guess because that's bigger than a flea market? Trump says he doesn't care about any of this grandeur, which is totally a lie, but that he does care about their stupid idea to have a rental car instead of just a car. He tries to figure out who between Nick and Amy came up with the idea. Amy says she isn't sure who came up with the idea. Trump calls it terrible.

Nick goes back to the suite. It will be Amy versus Katrina in the boardroom.

In the private meeting, Marc said Katrina was just floating around and he called her attitude blasé. Carolyn said she thinks Amy made some major mistakes. Trump says nothing.

Carolyn comes out hot right out of the gate, when Amy and Katrina return, and asks Amy what Nick did so well that he got to go back upstairs. Amy says on this task, Nick and Katrina performed equally well, but she's going back to previous contests in her mind, and Katrina isn't as strong of a leader as Nick. Katrina says Nick is great, but so is she, and that she hasn't had a fair chance to lead. She talks about how she “pre-negotiated” the car at the dealership. She says Amy strong-armed her into giving up the deal. I still don't know what exactly she pre-negotiated, but whatever. Trump tells her that sometimes you have to push right back, which is actually pretty decent advice.

Amy says that she thought Katrina did do a good job negotiating with her “charm.” Trump catches this and he asks her if she believes in relying on charming men to get deals done. Katrina says she believes in it and that it is fair to men. She says she thinks men use charm too. She then calls out Nick and Amy's relationship and says that's the only reason she's in the boardroom. Trump smiles and turns to Amy. Amy says she did not make this decision based on a personal relationship. Then Katrina reveals her theory that Amy and Nick are playing one another. Amy smiles and says that they probably are. She doesn't seem to care.

I personally think that there's a big mix of emotions and rational thinking going on here. Amy likes to talk about Nick like he's some little boy who has a big crush on her, but clearly she also likes him back. However, both of them are smart enough to know that this is just a little fling and doesn't really mean anything. The question is when each of them are going to pull back and kick the other to the curb. There is a lot of strategy in that timing.

Trump notes that Amy hasn't yet lost, up until now. He also notes that Amy has switched teams twice, solely upon her skill as a leader. At least that's what Trump says. Let's not forget that Nick voted her onto his team once probably just because he has a crush on her. But anyway, that's apparently all of the rationale he needs to fire Katrina.

Episode 10 – Wheeling and Dealing

There are seven candidates left. For the most part, the contestants who have been fired in previous weeks have been outcasts, outliers, people who were not compatible with the other contestants, and those who were just flat-out hated by them. I feel as though everyone left gets along fairly well. How is the show going to change as we eliminate the last few contestants? I'd imagine that several of the remaining persons are going to flip on one another. I'm sure that some of what I see as the contestants getting along fairly well is actually just them playing each other.

Troy is very worked up in the suite. He’s worried that Kwame will not return from the boardroom. When Kwame and Heidi come in everyone jumps up and down. Heidi in particular is so smiley. Several contestants tell us how happy they are that Omarosa is gone. Omarosa was kind of insufferable, but still, I will miss her. She gave the show so much drama to work with.

We get a little on-screen adventure as Heidi goes to New Jersey to visit her mom. The doctors are very optimistic. She will make a complete recovery.

This week, the teams learn that they need to report to a stand across from the Plaza Hotel where “there are rickshaws.” I didn't realize New York had rickshaws.

Trump exits a limo and walks over to the teams. He says, “Now, this is going to be interesting today. Transportation in New York City is a basic disaster. Getting around in this city is tough. It doesn't get any tougher anywhere else in the world.” Ever hear of the subway, Donald? It's probably in the top five most comprehensive transportation systems in the world. Not “yuge” enough for you?

After that bloviating, we learn that each team will have the opportunity take over a pedicab company. Yes, apparently there are companies in New York that transport people around in little rickshaws on the back of bicycles. The teams will have eight hours to come up with a business plan to increase their company's revenue. Then they will operate the company for a day. Whoever makes the most money will win.

Kwame, Heidi and Troy are brainstorming in Central Park. Troy wants to sell pre-paid punch cards to potential riders. He figures selling them on multiple rides at a time will give them an edge in a day-long contest. Nobody else on Protege seems to have any good ideas.

Meanwhile, VersaCorp is doing research on the internet. Amy suggests they sell advertising on the back of the rickshaws to raise revenues. They will also have “two beautiful women” driving the rickshaws, according to Bill. This will be Amy and Katrina, from what I can gather. Katrina does not look happy about it.

VersaCorp went to three establishments after hours and got two to sign on for advertisements. The next morning is the day they get to run the pedicab company. I'm not sure how you just instantly print an ad to put on the back of a rickshaw, but I guess it's that TV magic again.

Katrina is very angry at Bill. She thinks that the rest of the team isn't listening to her ideas. So she's decided to stop helping the team. She just sits in the kitchen eating yogurt. Bill seems completely unaware that she was upset.  The primary reason given for her being upset is that he wanted to “use her looks” to sell the rickshaw, which is a valid reason. It was pretty shallow and stupid for Bill to do that.

Black screen moment. Think Outside the Box. For some reason we immediately cut to Trump speaking at a podium in what looks like a retirement home rec center. Over the top of this video clip, Trump says, “Thinking outside of the box is something that is very much a cliché, but if you really want to be successful that's how you're gonna have to do it.” He says things before and after this voiceover, at the speech in the video clip, but it's barely audible. That might be the worst one yet.

Troy and Kwame will offer their drivers a bonus for performance. I'm pretty sure this is exactly what they did in the Planet Hollywood episode. The driver who earns the most money will get a $100 bonus.

VersaCorp's ad-covered rickshaws look like total trash. They've got these weird decals stuck to the cars in every single place possible. They look like they're all about to fall off.

I didn't realize the team members were actually going to be taking part in riding the bikes. I actually respect that though. Could you imagine Omarosa actually riding a bike through the city? No way.

Kwame takes a turn at driving the rickshaw. He can't get any rides. It's kind of sad.

Meanwhile, some of VersaCorp's signs are falling off the pedicabs. I swear that more than one sign fell off, but the team is acting like only one did. That particular client calls Bill, unrelated to the sign falling off, and Bill lets it slip that his ad got damaged. Nick goes off to negotiate with this person.

We're seeing VersaCorp testing out their theory that every man in New York City will want to ride on a pedicab with “two lovely women.” No one does. Even these two wealthy businessmen think it's silly and walk away.

Protege is struggling. Troy says he did the calculations and they've only made $11 so far. Since they are losing, Troy just decides to be goofy and dress up as the “rickshaw cowboy.” Suddenly, with a gimmick, they begin to earn money. But is it too late?

Nick feels bad before he enters his negotiation and decides to simply refund the advertiser his full $250 payment. The rest of the team is very upset because they say he got a full “half-day” of advertising in. I'm with Nick. The sign falling off the car is bad. It would be disingenuous to say that he should get half of his money back because the sign stayed on for half the time. No one wants to pay to associate their name with something shoddy.

Protege sees a Versa Corp rickshaw go by. They are all very jealous of the advertising idea. As Troy puts it, “We were looking up the ass of a dead dog with fleas if we thought we were gonna go up against them.”

VersaCorp counts up their money at the end of the day and they are not optimistic of a victory. They say the margins are extremely low. However, based on how poorly Protege is doing I think they are fine.

The teams enter the boardroom. Trump does his stupid thing he does, every time, where he asks both teams if they think they won.

George says VersaCorp got $651 in cab fares, but they got $3,450 in advertising, mostly from companies they had dealt with before on this show, apparently. Their profit was $3,650 for the day.

Carolyn says Protege got $382 in profit. That is not great. They are screwed. They should have thought “outside the box.”

As their prize, VersaCorp will circumnavigate Manhattan in a private yacht.

Trump says to the three members of Protege, “I may just fire all of you,” which is neither as clever nor as funny as he thinks it is.

VersaCorp goes off on their yacht cruse. I actually think that I took off from this same seaport when I went on a cruise with a Morrissey cover band. Don't ask.

Bill gets a chance to drive the boat for a while. The team goes out on the deck by the Statue of Liberty and has a drink. They also have dinner together inside the boat. There is a lot of good team bonding.

Nick and Amy are once again being cuddly and cute. Katrina has a theory that Nick and Amy are just playing each other. She thinks Nick will win out in the playing. I guess I can't say that I'm surprised they would do that to each other since they are on a reality show, but I still like their relationship. I feel like Nick and Amy are going to be pitted up against each other in the final. It seems like we are being set up for that.

We cut to a very homoerotic exercise montage with Troy and Kwame. I do notice that they have ostracized Heidi. We haven't truly seen much of her this episode. She is very distracted by her mother.

This boardroom meeting should be very interesting. This is the first time that a whole team is entering together. They don't hate each other this time. Troy begins by explaining his pre-paid card idea to Trump. About the advertising idea, Troy says, “Our idea was great. Theirs was brilliant.”

Carolyn asks the team if they agree with her assessment that they put all their eggs in one basket with this single idea, not really being creative.

Heidi says that isn't a fair assessment. Carolyn asks what she has contributed to this particular contest. Heidi has no answer. It comes out that pretty much everything the team did was Troy's idea. Heidi didn't come up with any ideas or really help with anything. Kwame didn't do much, but he was at Troy's side the whole time, assisting him with carrying out his ideas.

Trump asks if anyone drove the rickshaw, so I guess they weren't required to after all. Kwame explains how he tried it out and picked up no fares. Trump characterizes that as a big waste of time. Kwame says no one really did anything wrong. However, he says he would fire Heidi because Troy means so much to the team, even though both did well. Heidi says she would fire Troy because he won't “take accountability” as the PM. That is not true. He's definitely blamed the loss on himself.

Trump has decided to put a new spin on the boardroom antics, since there's only three people left. He's going to allow Troy to give one person a save and send them back to the suite. Troy's obviously going to pick Kwame. And he does. Trump seems so enraged by this because of the fact that Kwame wasted time riding the pedicab. And yet, he is going to have to choose between Troy and Heidi.

During their private discussion, Carolyn brings up the fact that she feels like Heidi hasn't proven herself at all over the last ten weeks. Trump says, “Wow, woman-on-woman, that's some pretty tough stuff.” What a pig.

Back in the boardroom, Trump asks Troy if he thinks Heidi is “good.” Troy responds “she is a good salesperson.” Pressing him, and specifically using the word “leader” in his question, Troy again answers with the word “salesperson.” That is cold, Troy.

Trump then calls on Carolyn, basically asking her to give it to Heidi, which doesn't seem very nice. Carolyn says, “In the time that you've been here, I have yet to see anything out of you.” Heidi gets very defensive. She says she's better than Troy. Trump points out that everyone has said Troy is a good leader, and no one has said that Heidi is a good one.

George interjects, saying that neither of them are ready to be an executive. He says they are both very defensive and this makes them appear as weak leaders.

Trump fires Heidi.

Episode 9: DNA, Heads, and the Undead Kitty

Before I began watching this week's episode, I realized that I have never listened to the music over the DVD's title screen. It's this techno song that consists of three distinct parts. The first is a song in which a chorus of women sings, “Oh, moneyyyy” and “You better watch your bottom...line.” The second is a guy who, in a very deep voice reminiscent of the guy from Right Said Fred, says, “It doesn't really matter, you're a slave to the master” over and over again. The third part is Trump saying, “Trump,” “This is a dictatorship,” and “someone will be fired” over and over again. Good luck trying to put all of that together in your head.

Luckily, you don't have to, because I found the full version on YouTube. The version I heard on the DVD was only a few seconds long, but this is a full three minutes. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmLdk_KPIKk Which is better, this, or the Make America Great Again Theme Song? You be the judge.

When Bill and Nick enter the condo, Katrina is devastated at Ereka's absence. In contrast, Omarosa is practically giddy.

The teams are instructed to meet DJT on the steps of The Met in the morning.

When the teams arrive at the museum, Trump instructs VersaCorp, short a player, to bring a person from Protege over to their team. Nick has been named project manager, and he selects Amy. I'm sure we will see sparks fly later in this episode.

Kwame has been selected as the project manager for Protege.

The task involves a group of emerging artists. It has nothing to do with The Met at all. Each team will choose one artist from the group, take them to a Manhattan gallery, and sell their paintings. The team that makes the most money from selling the art wins.

Team Protege visits a guy named Giles first. He makes Pollock-esque art with a lot of organic materials. Apparently he puts his DNA in each work? I don't think it's that weird but we as the viewers are led to believe that he is too crazy to work with.

VersaCorp visits Andrei. He's a nature-based abstract painter. Nick and Katrina both really like him and the way he explains his art. Meanwhile, Bill and Amy go to visit Leah, who paints photorealistic snapshots of her life in the city. I like her art a lot.

Protege visits someone named Megan. She has a beautiful giant apartment. Her art is extremely sexual in a very perverse and very violent way. It freaks the team out. Troy in particular can't seem to understand it. However, he says that her average piece goes for four grand which is way higher than anyone else they've talked to. They think they can overlook how freaky the work is.

Black screen moment. “You've Gotta Believe.” “You've gotta believe in what you're selling,” Trump says. “If you don't believe it, if you don't really believe it will sell, it will never work. It will never sell, and you're going to be miserable.” Man, that was a short one. Maybe his producers are telling him this black screen thing is a really dumb bit.

Protege can't decide between Megan and Leah. I just now realize that the teams were meeting with the same group of artists. During Protege's meeting in a small restaurant, a car alarm goes off for about thirty seconds and no one seems to notice. I actually thought it was going off outside my house. I can't emphasize enough how poor the production values have been on this show all season. They pick Megan because of the high dollar amounts that her paintings can get. That is a risky move. Her paintings get a lot of money but no one seemed to check how frequently she makes a sale.

VersaCorp can't decide between Andrei and Leah. Nick makes the executive decision to go with Andrei over the protests of Bill and Amy. I think he made the right call. I liked Leah's work a lot but they're going to be in pretentious art galleries. Andrei's brand of slightly off-center landscapes would fit right at home in a Greenwich Village walkup.

Omarosa and Heidi are at the gallery early, talking to Megan and learning about the art. They go for a walk to grab something to eat, and Omarosa wants to take a long two hour lunch break. Heidi says they have to go back to the gallery and continue marketing. Omarosa then declares that she has a concussion and needs a long break to recover. A concussion? From the piece of plaster falling on her head two episodes ago, I assume? Off camera, Heidi calls her a “lunatic bitch.”

Omarosa and Heidi confront each other over this squabble. However, they just yell at each other and clearly aren't listening to anything either person says. Omarosa, like usual, tries to spin the situation as her taking the moral high ground with the “trashy” Heidi resorting to personal attacks beneath her. This is objectively not true. They're both being extremely irrational and neither of them have any moral ground to stand on for this fight.

Troy and Kwame call them during their fight. After they hang up, Troy does a hilarious impression of Heidi and Kwame does Omarosa. It's great, but it really does show how their team morale is already unraveling.

It's time for the sales at the galleries. The teams are each at a different gallery in Manhattan.

Bill makes a sale immediately on one of the Andrei's paintings. Katrina, Amy and Nick work the crowd at this gallery really hard. Andrei looks thrilled.

Meanwhile, Troy describes Megan's paintings as “Far beyond his comprehension” to a potential buyer. I somehow don't think that's an effective strategy.

The art Protege chose does seem a little aggressive in retrospect. Andrei's art was easy to move because it was interpretations of landscapes. Megan's stuff is very specific and very risque. It's much harder for Protege to explain this kind of art to potential buyer. The gallery owner brings Megan over to them and tells the team that they should involve Megan with their explanations of her art. However, that is the last we see of either team in the galleries. The prospects really don't look good for Protege.

The teams enter the boardroom for the verdict on their sales numbers.

VersaCorp explains to Trump that Nick picked their artist from his gut, against the advice of his teammates. I can see the glimmer in Trump's eye when he hears this. He loves when men don't listen to women and instead do whatever they want.

Protege explains that they went for the high-risk artist. They explain that they didn't like the artist, but she had a loyal following and sold her paintings for a lot of money.

VersaCorp sold eight pieces for $13,600. The team is so happy. George says, “This is the first time I've seen Nick smile.”

In contrast, Protege sold one piece for eight hundred and sixty-nine dollars. Holy shit. How were they so confident walking into this room?

“That's awful,” says Trump. That's really all that needs to be said.

Oh wait, I get the black screen moment now! Trump explains to them that they tried to sell something they didn't believe in. Good point, Donald.

As VersaCorp's winning prize, Nick gets . . . ten minutes with Trump? What? “Lots of people would love to have this opportunity,” says Nick. He is extremely excited. I think it's a weird prize but I can't hate on Nick too much. I like him.

Nick goes up to Trump's suite. He gets what is in essence a meeting with him. He asks what Trump is looking for in a young executive. Trump answers energy. “If they don't have the energy, forget it,” says The Donald. He tells Nick he has a lot of energy. Then he gives Nick a tour of his apartment. Nick asks Trump if he had any mentors. Trump says his father, mostly. That's pretty much the extent of the visit.

I have no idea what Protege are going to do. The whole team was essentially at fault for their loss. No one spoke up against the team's vote. The whole thing was very passive.

Omarosa seems to think Troy didn't contribute at all. I think that's kind of ridiculous. She also thinks she spoke up against Megan. That's not true. I remember her distinctly saying that she felt like Leah was the better artist but that Megan would make them more money. That is the reason they chose Megan. She helped them to rationalize it.

Trump shits all over Protege in the boardroom. Kwame calls it a calculated risk that didn't pay off. He seems so nervous. I can honestly sense that he might be fired. Trump doesn't like when people get nervously defensive. That uncertainty really seems to bother him.

George says he doesn't think it had anything to do with the artist. He thinks the team needs to stop fighting.

“What does a concussion have to do with sitting down for a long time when you're supposed to be working,” says Trump. “All my life, I've been hit on my head with plaster.” What the fuck is he talking about?

Anyway, he is not happy once he realizes that Omarosa was trying to duck out of work, using her concussion as an excuse.

Kwame says Omarosa tends to exaggerate and be dramatic. Trump agrees with this.

Kwame picks Omarosa and Heidi to go with him. He calls Troy his “all-star,” which is sure to upset Omarosa.

Outside the boardroom, Omarosa cries and Kwame comforts her. Heidi is just staring at the floor. Shit's getting real.

While George, Carolyn, and Trump are talking in their weekly private meeting, Omarosa barges in crying. Kwame and Heidi try to stop her. “Omarosa! I didn't call for you yet!” says Trump. She's whining about how she's given up so much for this or whatever. Trump just tells her to go get a tissue and he tells the other two to sit down.

Omarosa comes back in and they have their final meeting.

Trump points out to Heidi that her edge is driving her teammates nuts. He tells Omarosa that the contest is about leadership and team chemistry, not what you know. He tells Kwame that he failed miserably but at least, out of the three people in this room, he contributed and he tried his best. Trump says this constant fighting drives him nuts. He says he doesn't like excuses. That's why he's firing Omarosa.

Episode 8: Ice Escapades

Welcome. Before I start the episode, my big question this week is when will Omarosa be fired? Or is she somehow able to trick Trump into respecting her, despite the fact that she does absolutely nothing to help her teammates in these challenges? Does she win the season? Obviously Omarosa and Donald have a strong relationship today. I find it hard to believe that her arrogance won't catch up to her eventually though.

Everyone seems happy that Tammy is gone, as Heidi and Omarosa walk back into the suite.

Heidi is going to be the project manager for Protege. She looks very sad. Don't forget, her mother is in the hospital.

Heidi lets her feelings about Omarosa loose in a little sidebar. She must have been frustrated having to hide it in the boardroom. She says, “When there's a task, her head hurts.” The show replays Omarosa getting hit in the head by the “piece of concrete,” and just like last time, I still don't actually see anything hit her head.

They have to be at Trump Tower at 8:45. Wait, aren't they in Trump Tower? My head is spinning.

We can't get off Omarosa's headaches. Says O, “I think I've been a trooper throughout this situation.”

They all go to the front of Trump Tower and a giant truck labeled “Trump Ice” pulls up in front, honking wildly, and Trump runs out. Is Donald getting into malt liquor?

He gets in front of them, and delivers a classic Trump speech. “I've had a fascination for a long time with branding. And I've decided to open up a water distribution company.” Of course Trump wants to get into the water business. Water is basically free for people in the USA. If you can bottle it and ship it and fool people into paying two dollars for a bottle, then you make a huge profit. Trump lives for this kind of lowbrow rip-off shit. And don't even get me started on the lack of sustainability and the profiteering off of a basic human right.

Trump also calls it, “The purest, best tasting water you could imagine.” Somehow I think that might be the biggest lie he's ever told.

Why is it called Trump Ice? It's literally water. This is the dumbest thing.

The teams are going to be put to the task of selling his water. The winner will just sell more water. Sounds like a simple task.

Ereka is the project manager for VersaCorp. We really haven't heard much from her since the big Omarosa fight. Things cooled off once she left O's team, but we do have to remember that she is a hothead. Ereka might be in trouble if her team doesn't do well.

Bill discusses the idea of motivating people to buy more water by giving them an incentive. Like buy six months of water, get the seventh free. Ereka and Katrina completely ignore him. They tell him to start making calls instead and to leave the strategy to them.

Bill and Ereka go to a bunch of restaurants in Manhattan. They're trying to “create a buzz” about this bottled water. At least, that's what Ereka says to every restaurant owner they approach. Bill is furious. Rather than trying to create some kind of artificial “buzz” with the limited amount of time they have to sell this water, they should be going into these restaurants and getting out with sales. After several complete failures, he drops some numbers onto a sandwich shop owner. The owner immediately buys two pallets. Maybe Bill is on to something here.

Trump Black Screen Moment. Beggars Can't Be Choosers. “Never beg when you're trying to sell something. If it doesn't work out, take your lumps, and relax. But you'll never sell through the begging route.” Short, but sweet. And also inane.

Just like VersaCorp, Protege are going to some restaurants and negotiating with their owners. Troy is going hard trying to sell them all on pallets of bottles. The problem they continue to run into is that NYC restaurants don't have the storage space for seventy-two cases of water.

Amy and Omarosa were put together by Heidi because Heidi knows Amy can handle Omarosa. And she really can. She told Omarosa ahead of time that if she needed to stop talking, Amy would kick her under the table. In their first meeting, there was a lot of kicking. It's working. At least for now.

Amy talked numbers. Omarosa talked marketing. At this meeting, the most ridiculous thing happened. O had a table full of all these fancy mineral waters, like Perrier and San Pellegrino, yet somehow was able to say with a straight face that Trump Ice was better than all of them. I haven't told you this yet, but the Trump Ice is in a dinky little plastic bottle. Like the kind of bottle you get the convenience store brand's bottled water in. Not even a Poland Spring or a Deer Park. There is no way this is the correct approach to get a sale.

The restaurant owners do not seem impressed. The issue of storage again comes up. Omarosa asks if they would be willing to buy five cases. They say yes. However, remember that Amy was supposed to talk money and Omarosa was supposed to do marketing. She is very upset that they just expended all of this effort to make a seventy-five dollar sale.

Once Protege gets back to the suite, Amy makes it clear to Heidi that she does not want to work for Omarosa any more. Omarosa is “begging” (call back to black screen?) for sales when she walks into these places. One restaurant only bought one case from them because they weren't interested and O said “how about one case?” One case is only fifteen dollars. Amy considers that to be a waste of time. Troy agrees. He was hoping to sell 1500 cases and they're never going to get there one at a time. As night falls, it sounds like their plan is to leave Omarosa in the suite while the rest of the team goes out and makes the deals. If true, this would be amazing.

Okay, now for some reason Omarosa and Kwame are at a salon. Omarosa gets her makeup done and sells them two cases of water. This is weird.

Troy, Heidi, and Amy are in a cab uptown when Troy decides that he's going to set up the purchase order for the next client so that they get “twenty cases a week.” He figures this is the only way to actually sell anything close to a pallet to these storage-starved customers in NYC.

The first client agrees to twenty cases a week. The second client gets negotiated up to five pallets a week by Troy. That's really absurd. Amy is very impressed by his negotiations. She says he's way smarter than she had previously given him credit for. He reads people well.

Nick and Katrina are in a cab. Nick is so excited. He said sales are what he lives for. He walks straight into this warehouse and says he wants to sell them a whole truck of the Trump Ice. The person doesn't respond. Nick starts consulting his spreadsheet of numbers. Katrina says that if you show the potential buyer that you care more about the numbers than about them, you won't be able to close the deal. And she's right. He says no. Hopefully Nick can clean up his act a little bit as he goes on. Remember, he is my favorite.

“It's not rocket science, it's just water,” says the next potential buyer to Nick, Katrina and Bill. Their pitch was getting a little too sophisticated. In my opinion, they need to emphasize two things more. They need to emphasize the price savings they can offer, and they need to work harder at getting to know the people they are trying to sell to. They're taking this very sterile approach that isn't working at all.

They're back in the suite, and it is revealed that Nick did not fill out the paperwork correctly to process the sales. Ereka is very mad. She is freaking out right in front of Carolyn. That is probably not good.

There's fourteen hours left until the winner is revealed. Troy and Kwame go to the gym. Everyone else goes to the club. Nick and Amy are reconnecting. Everyone is having a ball.

The next day begins and the teams enter the boardroom. Protege did “very well,” according to George. They did over six thousand dollars in sales. He goes on to say that VersaCorp “did not do as well.” They sold a little bit over four thousand dollars.

Ereka responds that they did everything they could do.

George says that Protege made a difference by selling some water to distributors. That was more than half their sales. That must explain the five pallet a week customer.

Their boardroom meeting is interrupted by loud drilling from downstairs. It is a new tenant in Trump Tower that's doing renovations. Trump tells them to stop. It's supposed to be comic relief, I guess, but it's not funny. I didn't even think about laughing. This show needs better writers.

Heidi, as project manager of the winning team, gets to select two people to go with her on a private helicopter tour of Manhattan in Trump's helicopter. This seems like a prize which is very intentionally set up to cause inter-team drama. Let me guess – she isn't going to choose Omarosa and will instead choose the other two members of her team.

She picks Troy and Amy. Obviously.

We go back to the suite. Heidi is on the phone with her mom. She is telling her mom that she's dedicating this win to her. It's very cute.

Mr. Trump is not with them in the helicopter, which I found to be surprising. We, the viewer, are treated to many wide shots of Manhattan which were certainly not taken from this specific helicopter ride. Troy is so amused by everything they see. Little thirty-two year old boy from Idaho. He calls the Statue of Liberty the most beautiful woman in America, next to his mother.

VersaCorp is intently negotiating what will happen in the boardroom. Ereka is trying to get Bill to be on her side in the boardroom. The problem is that Bill felt like last time he was on her side, she totally flipped in front of Trump. He says he can't trust her.

VersaCorp goes to the boardroom. Trump asks what happened. Ereka said “we lost by two-thousand dollars.” Trump, in a clearly overdubbed voice, says, “That's a very large percentage.”

Ereka explains they did very well with bars and restaurants. They failed at hooking up with any distributors.

Trump asks Nick how he feels. He says he feels terrible and he's sick of losing.

Carolyn interjects, saying that all four of them failed.

George says he's surprised at how little all four of them have learned. He's very frustrated that none of the people in the boardroom have learned how to get close to their customers.

Ereka says she told Nick to learn about the warehouse and its owners before he went in there. She says he didn't do what she asked. Nick asks how she could know that. She wasn't there at the warehouse. However, Katrina was there. Nick goes on to say that he reviewed the website. George says that Nick clearly never attempted to warm up to the customer. Nick says he doesn't have to because of his warmth and energy.

Nick then vents about how Ereka was frazzled in front of everyone. A leader should never do that, he says.

This is a brutal boardroom meeting. There's only four people left on this team and they are all just shouting at each other. Trump insists that Ereka and Katrina are best friends, for some reason, and that he knows that Ereka won't pick Katrina to be in the bottom three. He is correct. She picks the two boys.

I have a feeling that Ereka is going to get canned. She is far too emotional for Trump. He doesn't like that. He wants someone who will just listen to him and does what he says.

Nick comes back into the boardroom guns blazing. He immediately starts speaking before he sits down and says he's always going full-throttle out there. It's only a coincidence that he's lost six times, apparently. Ereka starts talking too, and Trump immediately lashes into Bill, saying that he sees right through his game of keeping quiet while the emotional people argue it out. This is going to be good.

Trump then asks Bill who he would choose to be fired. Bill doesn't want to say. George gangs up on him. Finally Bill lets it out that he was mad that Ereka wasn't listening to any of his ideas early on. However, he keeps waffling and won't commit to saying “Ereka” until George pulls the words out of his mouth.

Bill says that Ereka and he did most of the sales. Nick didn't do much. So now Trump is trying to figure out the alliances and get to the truth of what is happening.

Especially the Katrina/Ereka alliance. Ereka reveals that she didn't bring Katrina into the boardroom because Katrina didn't “take a leadership role.” She also “brought in the most dollars.” Carolyn interrupts, she did, or she and Nick did? Remember, Nick and Katrina were traveling together, doing sales. Even though Nick seems to have struggled, it is clear that when they made a sale, both Katrina and Nick were equally involved. There is definitely some bias on the part of Ereka here.

Trump pretty much immediately fires Ereka, without much more thought.