The Apprentice Episode 4 - Ethics Schmethics

Grab a beer and have a seat. It's time for a recap of Season 1, Episode 4 of The Apprentice, titled “Ethics Schmethics.”

The contestants are eagerly waiting in their condo to see who emerges from the boardroom. When Bowie and Nick walk in through the door, every single person jumps up and down for joy. Many hugs are shared. Bowie then describes Sam as “a cancer,” which seems a little over the top. He is reflecting the group opinion of Sam, but he is also trying to say that his team has only lost three times in a row because of Sam, which I do not believe to be correct. They could have easily overcome Sam's weaknesses on all three tasks if they had just planned and delegated better.

In an interesting turn of events, Nick says that he did not approve of the “witch hunt” to get Sam. He said that there were others on the team who were holding the team back. He then said he was going to get vengeance for Sam. I don't think he is actually being serious about avenging Sam, because they were fighting constantly and were definitely battling it up in the boardroom just a few hours ago. I also don't agree that Sam could have stayed; he had to go. However, I do agree with him that there are others holding the team back. Remember, there are five contestants left on Team Versa Corp. I believe that Bowie and Troy are the two weakest people left. Both of them lack the confidence to lead at a high level.

I don't really have any commentary on Team Protege at this point. The women just keep on winning, and I just keep on being blown away by how much better they perform than the men. I should note that we haven't seen any drama from Omarosa.

The task is revealed the next morning, as usual. The teams receive a phone call from Trump, who asks them all to meet him at Times Square at 8 AM. The teams go there and Trump pulls up in a goddamn limo. He gets out, tells them how great Times Square is, and then points behind him to the giant Planet Hollywood. He says that some friends of his in the movie business started it. This causes me to pause the episode and turn to Wikipedia. Ex-actor Bryan Kestner started Planet Hollywood in 1991, and gave the idea to two investors named Keith Barish and Robert Earl. Kestner apparently has made zero money from the PH name, since he was only paid in stock and the company has gone bankrupt twice. Arnold Schwarzenegger was also an initial investor. I'm going to assume that Trump did not mean he literally knew the people who started Planet Hollywood, but rather, that he knew Arnold. One more thing – there are only eight Planet Hollywoods left in the US. That is pretty sad.

 The inside of Planet Hollywood Times Square.

Each team is going to get the chance to run the restaurant for one night. The ladies get the first night, and the men will do the second night. Their receipts will be compared to the same day last year, and whoever increases revenues more will win. In my opinion, this is an extremely rigged system. If you look at a restaurant's sales on a day in 2014 and then look at their sales on that same calendar day in 2015, the numbers aren't going to be the same. So how can this show compare two days a year apart, along with the added wrinkle of a reality television show filming, and expect the results to actually mean anything? God, this show is so dumb.

Seriously, who opens their mouth like this when they speak?

The winning team is going to go to “the best golf course in New York State,” Trump National. It was only a matter of time until golf came up on this show. But hey, at least it isn't being done on the taxpayer's dime.

It is now time for each team to elect a Project Manager. Team Versa Corp quickly selects Kwame. I like Kwame so no real objection here. Team Protege selects Katrina. Although Krista actually works in the restaurant business, she recuses herself from leadership, explaining that she wants to be on the floor in the restaurant itself. That makes sense, I suppose. At this point, Omarosa tells us that she is trying to “get closer” to the other contestants, as if that is something which should take four episodes to figure out. She is on the floor with a pen and paper, collaborating with the rest of her team. Ereka tells us that she sees right through it, but appreciates the effort being put in. This seems primed to blow up in Team Protege's face at some point. If not in this episode, then maybe the next.

Kwame. Presumably he wins the competition and goes on to do million dollar speeches for McDonalds. But we have a long way to go to find out.

Team Protege enters the Planet Hollywood and gets a tour. The general manager of the restaurant tells the team that only 25 percent of their revenue comes from liquor, which is extremely low, according to Krista. I guess this makes sense, since it is a shitty restaurant that only exists to serve tourist families. They appear to make a lot from merchandise. Katrina makes the decision that, again, the women should use their sexuality to push the product. This time, a few ladies are going to wear “extra-small” (her words, not mine) t-shirts and stand in the lobby with shots, trying to get people (men) to go upstairs to the bar. They're calling themselves the “shooter girls,” which is a pun that offends my every sensibility. However, it doesn't really work that well. This is mostly because the whole team is disorganized and confused. Ereka thinks some of the team members should go out into Times Square to try to hand out coupons to get people in Planet Hollywood's door. This turns out to be a futile effort.

Katrina. If I had to guess, this picture was taken on a daytime talk show around 2011.

We take a brief break to see what Versa Corp is up to. They are working out and playing basketball. I think, “boring,” but then they go and bust out Trump: The Game, a board game that I would literally play right now. It looks so bad. It's Monopoly if Monopoly only had hotels. At this point, the show tries to fabricate some drama between Bill and Troy while they're playing the game, but it doesn't really stick.

It's now dark outside, and Team Protege is grinding at Planet Hollywood. None of the team seems too optimistic about their chances. It's slow downstairs in the main restaurant. They decide to go all-in upstairs at the bar, pushing shots on people while wearing their skimpy outfits. They sell a shit load of shots. However, someone, the restaurant manager I think, scolds them for doing this, since the restaurant is ultimately responsible for the safety of the people leaving the bar. But it really doesn't matter; since they've already sold what seems to be like hundreds of shots in the last hour.

The next day, Team Versa Corp goes over to Planet Hollywood to take their turn at running the restaurant. I almost forgot this, but they are at a significant disadvantage with only five people compared to Protege's eight. Troy and Kwame will be the street team, Nick will be at the front door, Bowie will work the merchandise counter, and Bill will be the staff manager for the night. Bill comes up with an incentive for the restaurant staff. Every hour, the wait person with the most sales will get a $100 bonus. Troy and Kwame are just out on Broadway, doing the typical street work you'd imagine from a person in Times Square.

Team Protege only turned to coupons later on in their day. The men are going hard with the coupons from the start. After a few hours, it is clear that this strategy has not worked. Bill comes out and tells them that no one is actually getting in the front door of the restaurant. Also, Bowie is really struggling to get merchandise sales. Those sales are down almost half from last year. Struggling and feeling like their backs are against the wall, Kwame and Troy come up with a very questionable scheme. Basically, Kwame sits at a table with a souvenir from the merch booth, like a basketball, and Troy shouts from the street, “Come meet Kwame Jackson! New York native! Works on Wall Street!” And it actually works! People are coming in and getting autographs. When they get the autograph, they also get a $5 coupon, and keep in mind they are already in the door at this point. However, this is clearly unethical. They're tricking people into buying merchandise from Planet Hollywood to get it signed by a person who is not famous.

Nick is furious at their tactics. He's still out on the street, giving out coupons, but he is just mumbling and not really trying. He's completely checked out. Bowie also isn't really doing anything, but it is unclear whether he supports or opposes the “Kwame autograph” tactic. Since Kwame is swamped with people, Bill takes over as the de-facto project manager and sets the restaurant staff into overdrive, making sure that the final few checks of the night are big enough to put Team Versa Corp out on top. He gets everyone, except Nick, to go around to the tables with merchandise and liquor, making some last minute sales.

Everyone has had their chance to run the restaurant. The teams gather in the boardroom with Donald Trump, Carolyn, and George. Carolyn announced that Team Versa Corp have increased revenues over last year by 6.8%. George then announces that Team Protege increased revenues by 31.3%! Again, I just want to state how flawed this system is. For Protege's day, the revenue last year was around $12,000, while for Versa Corp's day, the revenue last year was $15,000. That's a big difference. Maybe a big party came in on that $15,000 day last year! Maybe there was a real celebrity in there giving out autographs! Both Team Protege and Team Versa Corp pulled in around $16,000 in revenue. It was a lot closer than this show makes it out to be.

Team Protege gets to go upstate to Trump National Golf Club. Heidi is the only member of the team who has no idea how to play golf. She says she'd “rather be watching a football game.” The Iggles, I assume. Things take a turn for the weird at the golf course, where Trump, alongside Carolyn, corners the women and tells them that they can no longer use their sexuality to sell product. It is weird because of how painfully awkward it is. It is also weird because it took four whole episodes of consistent “sex sells” messages to get to this point.

Hole 13 at Trump National has a waterfall. Modest.

The women have returned to the condo. Tensions are running high between the men. Nick and Bill are arguing with Kwame and Troy over their tactic. Nick storms out of the room. Team Protege is just gawking at the whole scene.

The real question here, drama aside, is who should get fired? Nick may have given up on his teammates in frustration, but I don't think he deserves to be fired. He is passionate and a good leader. I'm sticking to my earlier assessment and saying that Troy or Bowie should be fired.

The men gather in the boardroom with Trump for their final discussion. George chews the whole team out for “covering their asses” instead of working together to achieve a victory. I couldn't agree more, George. Eventually, Nick gets a turn to speak, and he describes to Trump how his teammates acted unethically. Kwame and Troy defend themselves. Kwame chooses Nick and Bowie to wait outside the boardroom with him. Troy and Bill go back up to the condo.

Trump has a very brief discussion with his associates, where they note that Bowie was in charge of merchandise, and the merch sales were lousy. Trump especially seems to be upset by this. He calls them back in, via secretary Robin, and has a talk with the three of them. He labors over the decision, even more than previous decisions, but eventually Trump settles on Bowie. Good night, sweet Bowie. I still don't believe your real name is Bowie Hogg.