Episode 9: DNA, Heads, and the Undead Kitty

Before I began watching this week's episode, I realized that I have never listened to the music over the DVD's title screen. It's this techno song that consists of three distinct parts. The first is a song in which a chorus of women sings, “Oh, moneyyyy” and “You better watch your bottom...line.” The second is a guy who, in a very deep voice reminiscent of the guy from Right Said Fred, says, “It doesn't really matter, you're a slave to the master” over and over again. The third part is Trump saying, “Trump,” “This is a dictatorship,” and “someone will be fired” over and over again. Good luck trying to put all of that together in your head.

Luckily, you don't have to, because I found the full version on YouTube. The version I heard on the DVD was only a few seconds long, but this is a full three minutes. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmLdk_KPIKk Which is better, this, or the Make America Great Again Theme Song? You be the judge.

When Bill and Nick enter the condo, Katrina is devastated at Ereka's absence. In contrast, Omarosa is practically giddy.

The teams are instructed to meet DJT on the steps of The Met in the morning.

When the teams arrive at the museum, Trump instructs VersaCorp, short a player, to bring a person from Protege over to their team. Nick has been named project manager, and he selects Amy. I'm sure we will see sparks fly later in this episode.

Kwame has been selected as the project manager for Protege.

The task involves a group of emerging artists. It has nothing to do with The Met at all. Each team will choose one artist from the group, take them to a Manhattan gallery, and sell their paintings. The team that makes the most money from selling the art wins.

Team Protege visits a guy named Giles first. He makes Pollock-esque art with a lot of organic materials. Apparently he puts his DNA in each work? I don't think it's that weird but we as the viewers are led to believe that he is too crazy to work with.

VersaCorp visits Andrei. He's a nature-based abstract painter. Nick and Katrina both really like him and the way he explains his art. Meanwhile, Bill and Amy go to visit Leah, who paints photorealistic snapshots of her life in the city. I like her art a lot.

Protege visits someone named Megan. She has a beautiful giant apartment. Her art is extremely sexual in a very perverse and very violent way. It freaks the team out. Troy in particular can't seem to understand it. However, he says that her average piece goes for four grand which is way higher than anyone else they've talked to. They think they can overlook how freaky the work is.

Black screen moment. “You've Gotta Believe.” “You've gotta believe in what you're selling,” Trump says. “If you don't believe it, if you don't really believe it will sell, it will never work. It will never sell, and you're going to be miserable.” Man, that was a short one. Maybe his producers are telling him this black screen thing is a really dumb bit.

Protege can't decide between Megan and Leah. I just now realize that the teams were meeting with the same group of artists. During Protege's meeting in a small restaurant, a car alarm goes off for about thirty seconds and no one seems to notice. I actually thought it was going off outside my house. I can't emphasize enough how poor the production values have been on this show all season. They pick Megan because of the high dollar amounts that her paintings can get. That is a risky move. Her paintings get a lot of money but no one seemed to check how frequently she makes a sale.

VersaCorp can't decide between Andrei and Leah. Nick makes the executive decision to go with Andrei over the protests of Bill and Amy. I think he made the right call. I liked Leah's work a lot but they're going to be in pretentious art galleries. Andrei's brand of slightly off-center landscapes would fit right at home in a Greenwich Village walkup.

Omarosa and Heidi are at the gallery early, talking to Megan and learning about the art. They go for a walk to grab something to eat, and Omarosa wants to take a long two hour lunch break. Heidi says they have to go back to the gallery and continue marketing. Omarosa then declares that she has a concussion and needs a long break to recover. A concussion? From the piece of plaster falling on her head two episodes ago, I assume? Off camera, Heidi calls her a “lunatic bitch.”

Omarosa and Heidi confront each other over this squabble. However, they just yell at each other and clearly aren't listening to anything either person says. Omarosa, like usual, tries to spin the situation as her taking the moral high ground with the “trashy” Heidi resorting to personal attacks beneath her. This is objectively not true. They're both being extremely irrational and neither of them have any moral ground to stand on for this fight.

Troy and Kwame call them during their fight. After they hang up, Troy does a hilarious impression of Heidi and Kwame does Omarosa. It's great, but it really does show how their team morale is already unraveling.

It's time for the sales at the galleries. The teams are each at a different gallery in Manhattan.

Bill makes a sale immediately on one of the Andrei's paintings. Katrina, Amy and Nick work the crowd at this gallery really hard. Andrei looks thrilled.

Meanwhile, Troy describes Megan's paintings as “Far beyond his comprehension” to a potential buyer. I somehow don't think that's an effective strategy.

The art Protege chose does seem a little aggressive in retrospect. Andrei's art was easy to move because it was interpretations of landscapes. Megan's stuff is very specific and very risque. It's much harder for Protege to explain this kind of art to potential buyer. The gallery owner brings Megan over to them and tells the team that they should involve Megan with their explanations of her art. However, that is the last we see of either team in the galleries. The prospects really don't look good for Protege.

The teams enter the boardroom for the verdict on their sales numbers.

VersaCorp explains to Trump that Nick picked their artist from his gut, against the advice of his teammates. I can see the glimmer in Trump's eye when he hears this. He loves when men don't listen to women and instead do whatever they want.

Protege explains that they went for the high-risk artist. They explain that they didn't like the artist, but she had a loyal following and sold her paintings for a lot of money.

VersaCorp sold eight pieces for $13,600. The team is so happy. George says, “This is the first time I've seen Nick smile.”

In contrast, Protege sold one piece for eight hundred and sixty-nine dollars. Holy shit. How were they so confident walking into this room?

“That's awful,” says Trump. That's really all that needs to be said.

Oh wait, I get the black screen moment now! Trump explains to them that they tried to sell something they didn't believe in. Good point, Donald.

As VersaCorp's winning prize, Nick gets . . . ten minutes with Trump? What? “Lots of people would love to have this opportunity,” says Nick. He is extremely excited. I think it's a weird prize but I can't hate on Nick too much. I like him.

Nick goes up to Trump's suite. He gets what is in essence a meeting with him. He asks what Trump is looking for in a young executive. Trump answers energy. “If they don't have the energy, forget it,” says The Donald. He tells Nick he has a lot of energy. Then he gives Nick a tour of his apartment. Nick asks Trump if he had any mentors. Trump says his father, mostly. That's pretty much the extent of the visit.

I have no idea what Protege are going to do. The whole team was essentially at fault for their loss. No one spoke up against the team's vote. The whole thing was very passive.

Omarosa seems to think Troy didn't contribute at all. I think that's kind of ridiculous. She also thinks she spoke up against Megan. That's not true. I remember her distinctly saying that she felt like Leah was the better artist but that Megan would make them more money. That is the reason they chose Megan. She helped them to rationalize it.

Trump shits all over Protege in the boardroom. Kwame calls it a calculated risk that didn't pay off. He seems so nervous. I can honestly sense that he might be fired. Trump doesn't like when people get nervously defensive. That uncertainty really seems to bother him.

George says he doesn't think it had anything to do with the artist. He thinks the team needs to stop fighting.

“What does a concussion have to do with sitting down for a long time when you're supposed to be working,” says Trump. “All my life, I've been hit on my head with plaster.” What the fuck is he talking about?

Anyway, he is not happy once he realizes that Omarosa was trying to duck out of work, using her concussion as an excuse.

Kwame says Omarosa tends to exaggerate and be dramatic. Trump agrees with this.

Kwame picks Omarosa and Heidi to go with him. He calls Troy his “all-star,” which is sure to upset Omarosa.

Outside the boardroom, Omarosa cries and Kwame comforts her. Heidi is just staring at the floor. Shit's getting real.

While George, Carolyn, and Trump are talking in their weekly private meeting, Omarosa barges in crying. Kwame and Heidi try to stop her. “Omarosa! I didn't call for you yet!” says Trump. She's whining about how she's given up so much for this or whatever. Trump just tells her to go get a tissue and he tells the other two to sit down.

Omarosa comes back in and they have their final meeting.

Trump points out to Heidi that her edge is driving her teammates nuts. He tells Omarosa that the contest is about leadership and team chemistry, not what you know. He tells Kwame that he failed miserably but at least, out of the three people in this room, he contributed and he tried his best. Trump says this constant fighting drives him nuts. He says he doesn't like excuses. That's why he's firing Omarosa.