Episode 15 - Season Finale

First of all, creative title. Second of all, this is an hour-and-a-half finale. Seriously, there's like nothing left to this show. Both teams are halfway done with their challenges and then the show is over. How the hell could there be an hour-and-a-half of content left?

The episode begins with a long recap of the series so far. In fact, I would say that calling it a recap is being too generous. It's basically just a voiceover of Trump explaining how the mechanics of the game work. He explains that the contestants play a game, they're monitored by George and Carolyn, and subsequently someone gets fired. You know the drill. In addition to this explanation, random dramatic moments from the show are recounted, such as Kwame pretending to be a basketball player at Planet Hollywood and Ereka and Omarosa calling each other bitches.

It’s clear in the recap that Trump has significantly more praise for Bill than Kwame. Bill gets lauded for his managerial skills, but Kwame is just described as calm with an MBA from Harvard Business School. I will note that he says that both Bill and Kwame were in over their heads. I don't see Bill's situation and Kwame's situation to be related at all. Bill was just a little unorganized and ended up with more shipments of golf equipment than he expected. But he still got everything and the event seems to be going off without a hitch. Kwame has to deal with a lying Omarosa who might end up keeping Jessica Simpson from even performing. That would be a disaster much larger than anything Bill has to deal with.

But apparently there was no need for all of this drama around Jessica Simpson's arrival at all. If Omarosa would have simply done her job, she would have known ahead of time that Jessica's team actually planned their own transportation from the airport. While Kwame's team was frantically calling people and their driver was just waiting at the airport, Jessica was already in her hotel room with none other than Nick Lachey. That really dates this show perfectly.

Bill goes to the country club at like 4:30 a.m. Apparently, so does everyone else. It's kind of creepy because it's so dark. There is a “frost-delay” on the course, which means that no one will be able to start playing golf until about 10:30 a.m. I don't have any basis for comparison for when a golf tournament should start, but Bill seems upset. He is also upset that they misplaced one of their sponsor's signs. One of the golf course employees subsequently finds the sign in the trash. Hopefully Bill can pull it together.

Kwame and Troy also get an early start. They meet with the charity's staff to learn more about what they do. They then go to breakfast. Or at least, they try to. Apparently, nobody told the hotel staff that the team wanted breakfast for Jessica and Nick and their families at 10:00 a.m., so the staff quickly throws something together. I don't think anyone receiving the breakfast notices, but still. The weird guy from a previous episode with the slicked back hair who runs the Taj Mahal says that he thinks Kwame is cracking under pressure.

Bill learns that Trump is coming to the golf course to check things out. He arrives, driving his own car, which I find very hard to believe. There's no way Trump has driven himself anywhere since he was in his twenties. Bill still seems overly fucking concerned about this frost delay. Like, come on, it's not your fault that there is frost outside! How could Bill do anything differently in this situation?

To top this all off, when Bill tells Trump it could be delayed until 10:30, Trump says sternly, “No later than 10:30.” Seriously, I fail to see how this is his fault. What the fuck kind of made-up drama is this?

Apparently Troy was the one who messed up the breakfast. I guess he told Kwame he had several meetings to set up the time, but it turns out that those meetings never happened? I believed that Omarosa would lie, because she has a million times, but now Troy lies too? Bizarre. I thought he was Kwame's best associate.

Troy also screws up the next task! Jessica was doing a meet-and-greet with fans in the afternoon. Initially, sixty people were expected, so they booked a smaller room at the casino. Yesterday, it was communicated to Troy that one hundred and forty people had signed up. Problem is, he never told Heidi that, and Heidi was placed in charge of the meet-and-greet. As a compromise, Troy decides to institute a very efficient system for the meet-and-greet to get fans in and out. It seems very aggressive at first. He's basically talking to the fans like they're third graders, and surprisingly, they are mostly adults.

In spite of all of these setbacks, George has nothing but praise for Kwame. He says this task is extremely difficult, much more difficult than Bill's, and that he is impressed with Kwame's calm demeanor.

Meanwhile, on the golf course, the temperature has barely cracked fifty degrees. Trump is sitting on the patio. He says “come on, let's go play golf, enough of this,” and gets up, as if he's the person determining when everyone can hit the links, not his hardworking course maintenance people. Go fuck yourself, you shit-stained orange creamsicle.

Bill, I think, is starting to realize that things are working really well. Everything is set up for the gala. Now we're just being treated to the beautiful fall time shots of the golf course. It is really pretty. I've got to give Trump some credit here. He has a nice golf course.

Trump plays a game, and he seems very impressed with how smoothly everything is going over. He praises Bill in front of everyone at the tournament for raising so much money. He then takes his private helicopter to Atlantic City to see how Kwame is doing. He lands, and Kwame gives him a quick update as to what has happened so far. He informs Trump that they are currently in the middle of the meet-and-greet.

Down in the ballroom things are getting tense. It's getting close to show time, two hours out, and there are still tons of people in line. Jessica wants to get ready for her show. Troy informs the team that Kwame and Trump are coming downstairs to meet Jessica. Troy walks away for five seconds and Omarosa carts Jessica away, making Trump miss her. This really stupid montage of scenes happens where Trump and Kwame look around for Jessica and can't find her anywhere. Why the hell should Kwame know exactly where Jessica is at any given time? She has to get ready for her show! Trump just doesn't have free access to all of the Taj Mahal's performers, especially when they have to get ready for their shows! This is so weird. I guess they have to fill this hour and a half somehow though.

Trump seems to get really mad that they are just wandering around looking for Jessica. But this was his stupid idea. Eventually, Trump, Melania, Kwame, and Troy realize that Jessica is in the suite with Omarosa. They head up to the suite and meet with Jessica and Nick. Apparently Melania is a big fan of Newlyweds and is very excited to meet Jessica.

The Jessica Simpson show is about to start. For some reason, Trump gets on the stage to address her audience. I guess this show is to benefit a charity too. I must have missed that. He announces that he will donate twenty-five thousand dollars. Of course Trump has to go on stage and make the show all about him. Anyway, Jessica then comes out and the show seems to go off flawlessly.

A post-tournament party is happening back at the golf course. Bill takes his team into a back room and congratulates them for a job well done. Kwame does the same, after Jessica's concert ends. Trump flies back to Trump Tower in his helicopter. I guess the rest of the teams are back there as well.

The amount of filler right now is insane. Lots of long shots of Trump landing, Bill and Kwame entering the suite, the remainder of the contestants going into the board room, etc. It's definitely excessive.

Trump interviews Kwame and Bill's team members first. Kwame's team says he did a great job. George and Carolyn fight over whether or not the concert or the golf tournament was more difficult. George thinks the concert is harder.

Bill's team says he wasn't as calm as usual. They said he was a little ruffled. They give the specific instance of the lost sign. On the contrary, Kwame's team says he was too calm, and that he didn't have enough intensity. Trump seems to light up when they say this like, “I agree with you!”

Trump then jokingly tells them all to leave, saying they haven't helped him to decide at all.

Meanwhile, Bill and Kwame are just sitting on a bench outside of the board room. Finally, after a long pause, Trump calls them in. The first thing Trump asks is if Kwame had any trouble with his team members. He laughs and he says, “Yeah.” Everyone knows it's Omarosa. Trump asks if her tendency to want to be out in the spotlight made it difficult for Kwame to manage her. Kwame says that it did. Trump says he was surprised that she was picked so early. Kwame said he thought she was qualified and that he made a mistake.

George says to Kwame that his only comment is that his management could have been a little more hands-on. Even if things aren't going well, the leader has to make it clear that things will be resolved, and that he will have a part in it. Otherwise he loses the trust and goodwill of his team.

Carolyn says to Bill that she thinks the tournament went really well. She said she was surprised by the things Bill's teammates said about him, saying that he was flustered under certain circumstances. Bill says he disagrees, but his perfectionism might have made him seem anxious or flustered. Trump asks him several times if he is better than Kwame. Finally Bill says that his desire and track record make him a better fit than Kwame. Bill and Kwame basically argue for two minutes over who is a better choice. Trump says they both gave up so much to work for him, and that this decision is extremely difficult. He tells them to get out so he can make a decision. They go back to the waiting bench.

Trump asks George and Carolyn for their opinions. George, without hesitation, recommends Kwame. He loves his cool demeanor under pressure. Carolyn says she agrees that Kwame is outstanding, but she says that he is too textbook. Carolyn says that she thinks Bill is a better fit for the Trump Organization. She says he motivated his unpaid staff extremely well. Trump is basically split.

Trump calls them back in and gives a very long speech. He says that two things about Kwame bother him, “big-league.” He definitely says league this time and not “bigly.” I feel like he waffles between those two words. Anyway, he said it bothered him that Omarosa lied to Kwame twice and Kwame didn't fire her. Kwame says he didn't know that was an option at the time. Trump never actually reveals if it's an option.

He tells Bill he did a good job.  He said things were a little crazy but he got the job done.

Trump tells Kwame he will have an amazing, successful future. However, he then turns to Bill and says, you're hired. Suddenly, the boardroom walls drop, revealing a studio audience, loudly cheering for Bill. Something like the Saturday Night Live theme song plays. We get some footage of people back in Chicago cheering for Bill at a bar somewhere.

Trump pulls Bill on stage, saying that Bill still has some business to take care of. He says to him, “here is your first big decision.” He gets to choose between two jobs for Mr. Trump. The first is a building project in Chicago called Trump International Hotel and Tower on the former site of the Chicago Sun-Times. A seven hundred million dollar construction project with a five-star hotel. Set to finish in 2007. The other project is a new golf course in Los Angeles, CA on the edge of the Pacific Ocean. He bought the course about a year ago after the eighteenth hole fell into the ocean. Trump got millions of cubic yards of earth to create a ton of infill and fix it. Bill would become a manager there.

Bill has two minutes to decide. The entire cast of contestants comes out to join Bill and Trump on stage. I think the band might actually be the Saturday Night Live band. It's all very unclear. Bill picks the Chicago project because it's “where he's from” and “it's the best place in the world.” That is very sweet.

After Bill selects his job, we turn to a little question and answer session of sorts with the cast. Trump says that we're all dying to know “what's the deal with Omarosa.” But no question like this is really answered during their casual conversation. The whole cast just kind of laughs about all of the things Omarosa has done. Ereka, sitting right next to Omarosa, mind you, says that she would have immediately fired her because she is a huge liar. I guess those two never made up.

Trump then calls Nick and Amy's romance “pathetic” and says it “wasn't very hot.” He asks them to explain. Nick says they dated briefly after the show, but they are not together anymore. Amy says that their breakup was mutual and they're better off as close friends. Trump says he “has had some very close friends,” to uproarious laughter over something that isn't even close to being funny.

Apparently Bill has also won a brand-new convertible Chrysler Crossfire. Trump very loudly thanks Chrysler and George Steinbrenner for both being there for him as sponsors before he knew this show was gonna be a big hit.

At this point, Sam gets up. He says he has a proposition for Mr. Trump. He says he has with him two-hundred and fifty thousand dollars, the same amount Trump is giving to Bill for winning, and he will give it to Trump right now if he lets him back on the show for this upcoming season. Sam seriously has this money in a suitcase with him. Trump takes the suitcase and says that he will consider the offer. I have no idea if Sam gets a second chance or not, and I'm not about to research it. That was a very strange sequence, even for this show. What does Trump need that money for? Why would he even take the suitcase?

The final reveal of this casual conversation is that Tammy is expecting a baby. I wonder what Trump's maternity leave policies are. I'm guessing they are not good.

And...that's it. That's the end of the show. We get a sneak peak of the next season of the Apprentice, but you've got to be kidding me if you think I'm going to dip my toes into Season 2.